Deep roots ….

1962694_10152803088039813_4379809292140938275_nThere are far too many families living this nightmare, with none of us ever imagining that we would always be left missing our children. Even harder on their angel-versary dates. Future birthday, school events, graduations, weddings, will all be missed. It would be great to be able to offer reassurances that in time, it all gets better but its so hard to predict what the future holds. All that can be said is to STAY STRONG and know that far to many are all suffering losses. Support and caring is important and it is hoped that by sharing tragic stories, it will convince others to reach out and get help. Awareness is what will help make the changes needed to improve our mental health systems and encourage and empower others to be kinder to each other and end all abuse and bullying. It is hoped that more people and the governments will read the messages and warnings and make the necessary changes to improve the mental health care systems.  As well, there needs to be more encouragement to empower everyone to be kinder and more respectful towards each other.  This in turn, will help to reduce and hopefully erase all abuse and bullying.
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Another new friendship made ….

I never know what to expect from day to day.  Today I went to visit Ruth from  Floral and Hardy Edible Plants in Vancouver BC.  Ruth contacted me after a friend of hers told her about Amanda’s story.  We messaged back and forth and talked about a garden and what Amanda liked to eat and plant.  When my kids were young, they ate the staple veggies:  corn, carrots and potatoes.

Story: when they were young, I would sneak carrots, squash, beans, etc into their diet by buying the pureed baby food and putting it into the spaghetti sauce.

I had told Ruth that I would visit on Father’s Day.  It was a beautiful sunny day and Rob was out golfing with his buddies.  So I headed into Vancouver. Found the shop and was in awe of all the things I saw (and bought). Ruth and Brian are wonderful people and they gave me a lesson on what a carnivorous plant is.  What it eats? What it likes to drink?  Apparently it likes bottled water.  :)


We talked a while about mental health and the Vancouver East Side.  Knowing the history about that area is a good thing.

Facebook – 

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For the first time in a long time, I have to say ‘I Just Can’t’.   In the past 2 years 8 1/2 months, I have stretched myself and have rarely said ‘NO’ to anything.  But right now I have to.

I have spent the last few months avoiding the Facebook pages of kids getting ready for prom and grad dances.  The shopping.  The commencement graduation ceremonies.  The college applications.  As a parent of Amanda, I miss doing those things with her.  I know what it is like because I went through the same motions with her brother.  I will miss the commencement ceremony of Rob’s son this coming week because ‘I Just Can’t’.

** I can’t because it would make me too sad. ** I can’t because it would make me miss Amanda even more. ** I just can’t because I have worked so hard in working through some of the pain and grief and I don’t want it to backwards. ** I just can’t because it will be one of the most happiest days for most and I don’t want anyone to get affected by my personal sadness. ** I just can’t because ….

I remember Amanda trying this dress on and showing me the selfie pic.  She said to me: Mom, this is the kind of dress I want for my graduation dance.  This photo was taken in September of 2012.  It’s purple too.

Miss you my lovely girl child.  xoxo


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