I would like to begin by wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and that I hope everyone has a great day. I would be lying to myself if I said that today would be easy for me. I think it all started when midnight hit. Christmas is a time for happiness and families. Unfortunately, something or someone stole that part from me and my family this past year. More precisely, almost 11 weeks ago. I can only hope that those individuals who have been responsible for harassing, bullying and cyberbullying my daughter realize their actions and learn to live with the lessons of crashing down on a persons inner soul. Amanda was a beautiful child who wanted no harm to come to anything. She protected flowers, bugs, and animals. She kept rocks, shells and anything she could find that held a memory. Sure she had her moments when she couldn’t keep her own thoughts in her head. But as a person growing up, she did learn her own lessons. Unfortunately, others didn’t let her forget. Subsequently, they damaged her more. One of the final visits to the psychologists told me she was suffering from PTSD. Well you certainly don’t get that on your own without catalysts. So to the catalysts out there, think about who you are.
Here is a truth from me… I can’t hide in my house and away from people. Not that I have been but sometimes like I feel like I should. But I also know that it wouldn’t be a healthy choice and that my friends would come barrelling through my doors and windows to either yell at me or drag me out. But sometimes (just sometimes), it is hard to go out there and see families with their kids. Kids who are growing up and experiencing being a kid. It is then that I feel my loss. I know I have my other boy child. He is a great and wonderful person. But I also miss my girl child. There are different things that you do with boy children than you do with girl children. I now must go through my life missing out on those parts. For that, I will never forgive those that were ‘haters’ of my daughter and treated her with disrespect.
I wish all my friends and their loved ones a great Christmas Day. I miss my son who is with his dad tonight. I find peace when my family is under my roof safe and sound. The death of my daughter has brought on a paranoia that I need to be sure everyone in my life that I care so much about is safe. Those that know ‘my life story’ will understand.
Have a super day filled with laughter, smiles, turkey and chocolate.
Love from me xoxo