Why do I blog? (@ 1:30 a.m.) 11 weeks gone

Over the past few days, I have gotten many well wishes and Merry HoHo’s related to the holiday season.  I have also received so many comments about how strong I am and thanking me for being able to articulate my thoughts to help spread the words of Amanda Todd.  It absolutely floors me that people think that way.  I only think of myself as a mom and a teacher (which my kids always hated because anywhere we would go, I would see present or former students).  I did listen to myself on the radio today on CBC – On the Coast.  The discussion for the first 30 minutes was focussed on Amanda and the things I said and did that helped her cope with the world and also ways that I got her to share her information with me.  This led on to talking about general parenting styles to elicit conversation with your children.  I can’t say I was a master of it.  But at the end of Amanda’s life, our discussions were free of any barriers.  She talked, I listened (usually without judgement).  It was the same way with Amanda’s brother who knew he could/can come to me at anytime to just talk unconditionally.   Now typically, boys don’t talk a whole lot.  But the opportunity is always there, day or night. As a parent, I am usually on call to my kids 24/7.  It’s that same story whereby if …. your kid goes out and drinks and gets absolutely drunk. What do we say to them  … ‘If you ever have a problem. call and we will pick you up no matter what time’.  I can honestly say that Amanda did call in her tickets.  And when I groaned in my sleep, I always heard ‘But mom, you said that we could always call no matter what’.  Well, I guess those were the magic words that make you crawl out of bed in your pj’s, grab a coat and get into your car to wherever you should end up.  Yes, one night I ended up in the catacombs on Surrey to pick up Amanda and a friend.  The story that night was ‘We met some boys at the mall and then ended up in Surrey and now there are no buses’.  Never mind that 152nd and 78th is a long way from Port Coquitlam or Maple Ridge.  That was definitely an OMG and a 4 letter night.  Hmmm…

So back to my original topic … I say what I say.  It is not scripted.  I just speak from my heart and my brain.  Sometimes it comes out right.  Other times it doesn’t.  Oh well.. that’s just me!!  And as I have grown to learn these words —- Take it or leave it!!  Or really … Take me or leave it!!  Which is better???

I do take comfort and peace in my words.  If others can take and use the words that I say and write so randomly and use them well, then I have done a great job in putting forward the messages that Amanda and I want to share.  Never in a million years would I have thought I would be sitting here blogging and living through what I am living.

May all your hearts be blessed with love, kindness and caring,

Carol xoxo

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Snowflakes shining at night!!

 

 

 

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About Carol Todd

Being the mother of Amanda Todd has lead me on this journey shortly after Amanda's death on October 10, 2012. Amanda's prolific You Tube video has been viewed over 33 million times. Through this video, there has been an increased awareness about cyberbullying, social media safety and mental health. www.amandatoddlegacy.org
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6 Responses to Why do I blog? (@ 1:30 a.m.) 11 weeks gone

  1. flora says:

    I just wanted to let you know what your story has done for me. I am sure I am not the only one who wishes time could go back. My boys know your daughters story and they would stand up for anyone being bullied because of your daughter and her story. Nobody knows when we are going to move on in our journey but I believe your daughter had a job to do and she has started a movement. Amanda is now everyones snowflake.

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  2. Tristan says:

    I love this blog Carol. just love hearing these kind of adventures that Amanda had, very typical teenager thing to do. I know they probably werent your most fondest moments with her, heading out to track her down in the middle of the night, but these stories are great to hear either way. They show a somewhat happy adventurous side of her, that daring to be a bit on the wild side with a hint of excitement in there. I think many of us went through that teenage phase of sneaking out and hoping to not get caught, then being left with the only option to turn to our parents for help. love these stories.

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  3. Rob says:

    I read you blogs Carol, This is one of my favorite sites.
    Read them every night before I go to bed.
    I am so glad you found this site.
    I was even going to mention this site to you in one of my e-mails.
    Thanks again for the memory items of Amanda that you sent me.
    I will treasure it forever.
    Rob.

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  4. barbara says:

    Well said Carol….u made me chuckle……the magic words are….u said to call no matter what time….llol…i can relate

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  5. merle says:

    You are 100% correct Carol! I’ve told my teen boy and girl the same thing…and I stand by it…although sometimes it is a “four-letter night”…I always felt that relief that I could insure their safety, and gain their trust. None of us are “on” 24/7, however as mature adults we can always muster up the energy and will to “always be there” for our children. I can identify with you so much, and as you allow your friends, and even strangers to see you for who you really are, I hope in some way this has allowed you to heal and find strength… if only a little. Please continue to speak from your heart, for there is no better way!

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  6. Siobhan says:

    We do read your blogs… I think it’s wonderful u share your thoughts with us. Also a wonderful tool for u to continue to receive support and connect with so many who love u Amanda and your family. I was thinking tonight that a snowflake will never just be a snowflake again. Forever it will make me think of your daughter, and the importance of being kind and teaching each other old And young to be kind. To try and help contribute to a safer community. To me the snowflake represents Amanda and love. Goodnight carol I hope ur getting some sleep 🙂

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