Day 18 after October 10 (for Amanda)

Day 18 (October 28) – Rant or rave – I can’t believe how many days have passed since that day. It’s been one day since the private memorial service and as life continues, it has hit me like a ton of bricks that I am missing my baby girl (aka Princess Snowflake) terribly. All those moments where I used to give her sh*t for doing or saying something, I find myself wishing that those moments were still there. Life will never be the same again. I have the best friends in the world. But I often feel the pain when they don’t know the right words to say to me. All I can say is ‘no words are sometimes better than any words’. I try my very best to hold myself together. Some days are better than others. Today was an exceptionally harder day than usual. Maybe because yesterday was the service and I knew Amanda was in our presence. I so wish she had made other decisions. As I dig through her computer files and look at videos she has made, plus the art she has created and all the pictures she has recently taken, I realize now what a multi-talented young person she was. And she never realized it and no one gave her credit for it except her family. But of course, who does a teenager turn to for recognition, her peers and they were the ones (not all) that turned against her. My job as a mom now (with the help of others) is to make sure that it doesn’t happen again. We already lost a precious soul, let’s not lose anymore due to the uncaring of others. Sleep well tonight My Princess Snowflake!!!

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About Carol Todd

Being the mother of Amanda Todd has lead me on this journey shortly after Amanda's death on October 10, 2012. Amanda's prolific You Tube video has been viewed over 33 million times. Through this video, there has been an increased awareness about cyberbullying, social media safety and mental health. www.amandatoddlegacy.org
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7 Responses to Day 18 after October 10 (for Amanda)

  1. merle says:

    Please excuse the WordPress.com line…I somehow “lost” this comment, and I copied and pasted this by accident when rewriting!

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  2. merle says:

    After rereading your blog, please allow me to say that we did not “lose a precious soul,” Amanda is here in soul and spirit…never leaving your side…and a life-force for so many people around the world. I read so many other’s testimonies similar to mine…how Amanda somehow crept into our lives, and opened our eyes to the injustices done to so many people that suffer in silence. It’s uncanny how many comments that I’ve read sound like I wrote it! This is amazing to me…Amanda resonates through many of us, she’s here, there and everywhere…she will never leave us…especially you Carol. As surreal as it appears, Amanda is truly “larger than life” now. May my thoughts bring you some comfort.

    WordPress.com / Gravatar.com credentials can be used.

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  3. merle48 says:

    After rereading your blog, please allow me to say that we did not “lose a precious soul,” Amanda is here in soul and spirit…never leaving your side…and a life-force for so many people around the world. I read so many other’s testimonies similar to mine…how Amanda somehow crept into our lives, and opened our eyes to the injustices done to so many people that suffer in silence. It’s uncanny how many comments that I’ve read sound like I wrote it! This is amazing to me…Amanda resonates through many of us, she’s here, there and everywhere…she will never leave us…especially you Carol. As surreal as it appears, Amanda is truly “larger than life” now. May my thoughts bring you some comfort.

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  4. Will Burke says:

    Wow this blog sent shivers through my body.I am so sorry for your loss Carol.As I read each blog they just get even more emotional.R.I.P Princess Snowflake.

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  5. Hamsi says:

    I can only echo the sentiments expressed in the first two posts. Peer recognition is so important for young people; and why it is so difficult to protect them from cruelty meted out outside of our sphere of influence.

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  6. merle says:

    This blog is heart-wrenching for me….I’m so sorry for your pain and great loss. I wish I could wave a wand….

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  7. la Punisher says:

    My heart really bleeds for the pain you must feel, So sorry for the horrible tragedy, and it is so true that “you never know what you got till it’s gone” RIP Princess, You are Loved

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