February 1st – Too many ideas to write about …….

Why is it that … I can be driving in my car and have all these ideas on what to write.  And her now I sit and I can’t remember any of them.  Today in my car was interesting.  Actually all day was interesting.  I was getting my nails done. Yes, a luxury but something I do to treat myself.   A song came on at the nail place.  Spontaneously, I cried.

Then on my way to the hospital this afternoon, a song came on the radio that I hadn’t heard before. I have always loved Simple Plan’s music.  The song was called  … You Tube – This Song Saved My Life (by Simple Plan) (lyrics) … and the one that followed ironically was … You Tube – Don’t You Worry Child (by Swedish House Mafia) (lyrics).  For those that don’t know, the second song was the first song in the slideshow video that was made for the 2nd memorial service we had for Amanda.  It has special meaning because her brother picked the song.  So needless to say, if anyone had looked over at me in my car, they would have seen me bawling my eyes out.  And where were my Snowflake Kleenex angels???  Jeezzz….

So I do know that music and pictures of Amanda really set me off. I guess that is to be expected…  We are coming up to the 4 month date in 9 days.  Does everyone have their candles ready???

Rob got of the hospital today.  I guess his bed was needed.  But I am amazed at medical technology.  How they can take out a hip joint and replace it so the person can eventually walk around pain free.  Hooray… romantic walks, here we come!!!

Today was such an exciting day with respect to my emails and who sent them.  During the events with Evander Holyfield, I made many contacts with people.  We talked, connected and I emailed every person who gave me a business card or email address in hopes that they will join my network.  I had so many generous offers of support to keep Amanda’s Legacy moving forward.  I will post more information as it more definite.

There were two musical artists I met on the weekend – Sarah and Marika.  Both are wonderful singers and I will try to find their songs to post.

Then today on my Facebook, I was sent a song written and sung by Mike McLean – I’m the One (You Tube).  It was inspired by the story of Amanda.  As I was talking to Mike, there was some eerie stories between us that made us feel that Amanda had a hand in bringing us together.  I was also talking to Michael Bell tonight and someone sent him a snowflake today.  Isn’t it funny how that works.

When I was thinking about what to post this morning, I was angry at something and a really good topic and title came up.  As I calmed down, the title disappeared.  I think I write my best when I am impassioned about something and maybe somewhat emotional as in sad or angry.  I am neither right now.   Although I am hungry!!

In the past two nights, I have had conversations with kids about how they feel.  Some are happy.  Some are sad.  Those that are sad need help.  But what does that help look like?  Any suggestions?  Parents seem lost in where to go.   I had an interview with a reporter from the Province newspaper about youth mental health.  He told me that one of the adolescent psych units was closed down.  Argg…. really!!  In a time where depression/anxiety and self harm seems to be increasing ….

Since Amanda’s death, I have gained new respect for the job that is done with youth and their mental health.  It is not an easy job.  It is time consuming.  There needs to be an attachment and caring to the young person in order to get them to open up and share.  I witnessed that with Amanda.  It always took time to nurture her with others.   If she didn’t like you, the she didn’t talk.  And if kids don’t talk, then what to do next.  That’s why discussions at home are so important.  Unconditional love and understanding is so important too.  Once again I am preaching … we can’t not love our children.  We can’t tell them to go away when they want and need us badly.  Moms/dads need to stand together.  The kids want the support.  They want to know where to go for help.  They need us even though they will never admit it.  Amanda got it eventually.  She came to me with almost everything.  Just not the problem she had on October 10th. But if she had, we would have worked it out.

Miss my Snowflake Princess… love you … xoxo


About Carol Todd

Being the mother of Amanda Todd has lead me on this journey shortly after Amanda's death on October 10, 2012. Amanda's prolific You Tube video has been viewed over 33 million times. Through this video, there has been an increased awareness about cyberbullying, social media safety and mental health. www.amandatoddlegacy.org
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4 Responses to February 1st – Too many ideas to write about …….

  1. Sue Hindle says:

    I have my candle ready.. I have a snowflake hanging in my dining room. I remember Amanda every day at work.. I work in a middle school as a special ed assistant,, we have many students with mental health issues, I have made a connection with a few of them. i give them a smile eevry time I see them , and try and chat with them when there is time… I watched the second memorial on my computer. I cried when the music and slideshow started . Thinking of you .. and your Princess Snowflake


  2. It’s the 3 teddies at the entrance to Amanda’s room … it’s sad, but it’s a loving way of coping with an empty room that should not be empty.


  3. Rob says:

    Yes!! My candle is ready. It is on the night table right beside my bed.
    It is battery operated, so it won’t burn the house down.
    It has a soft flickering “flame” and before I go to bed, I turn it on, and it
    stays on all through the night. The memorie pictures of Amanda, and the
    bracelets are on my night table as well.
    You Are Loved Amanda.


  4. la Punisher says:

    Candle will be lite for the princess, Somebody has to stand beside those kids, they need help and they see that help in you and you are winning their trust.. You are a wonderful person to take time to talk to these kids, Only good can come from it…. Hugs


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