Day 26 after October 10th (for Amanda)

Day 26 (November 5) – The power of words — be it kind words or not so kind words. In the past few weeks, I have suddenly realized that I have been walking in both a strong mode and a hazy mode. The strong one is where I can vocalize my thoughts about my daughter and the bullying/cyber bullying that occurred in her and as a general topic and the hazy mode where I know what I have said, but just can’t recall all the words. Those would be my OMG moments, in case I said the wrong thing. So someone tonight triggered one of my many thoughts that seem ever so relevant to Amanda and her short bittersweet life. It was about words said and words not forgotten. This is what Amanda and many others hear and this is my retelling of it – Words hurt. A living, breathing human being needs positive words to live by. It is always nice to hear from a friend, spouse, brother, sister, partner, teacher, etc. a compliment or two or three. Even the ever so small ‘nice’ words will resonate and go a long way in making a persons day. It is very similar to RAK (Random Acts of Kindness) except we can call it RAW (Random Acts of Words). So taking the time to compliment is wonderful. But here we go, there is the flip side (like any other egg timer). There is the person who says ‘You’re ugly’, ‘You’re teeth are crooked’, ‘Hair sucks’, ‘You’re crazy’ and all the good words go plummeting down the rabbit hole, never to come back up. Why does the one horrible set of words eliminate the 1000 good ones? This is especially made worse when it happens to someone who has already been downtrodden upon and their self esteem is already wobbly. This was my daughter’s story and it makes me so mad to think about how some of her so called ‘peers’ out there demoralized her and made her sadder. All my work as a parent couldn’t fix it. Amanda, her dad and myself sat in a meeting with medical professionals in September talking about the same thing. Amanda understood it and said she would try to ignore the ‘hater’s. Unfortunately, the night after she got out of the hospital, some so called friends called her ‘psycho and crazy’. Then there were the ones posting the pictures of bleach, etc. Nasty, mean, uncaring, selfish are a few choice ‘gentler’ words I can think of. All I can say right now is that I hope that when those individuals have their own children, that they truly understand how to live on this earth with compassion and empathy. I will never forget what they have done to my child. Will they?? 

Good night my friends … xoxo Thanks for listening to me again. I hope it wasn’t too harsh.”

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About Carol Todd

Being the mother of Amanda Todd has lead me on this journey shortly after Amanda's death on October 10, 2012. Amanda's prolific You Tube video has been viewed over 33 million times. Through this video, there has been an increased awareness about cyberbullying, social media safety and mental health. www.amandatoddlegacy.org
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8 Responses to Day 26 after October 10th (for Amanda)

  1. Sue Hindle says:

    I agree with what Will said you don’t need to worry about being too harsh.. This is your blog to express your feelings. You a re making us think..

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  2. Will Burke says:

    Carol u never need to worry about being to harsh with the words u choose to use,those words truly come from within ur heart.Anyone in the right mind would say the same things.Just keep speaking whats on ur mind and always remember when I told u it’s not ur fault for what Amanda had to deal with it’s the bullies and her tormentors that just wouldn’t let it go.

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  3. Paul K says:

    I agree with you Carol.When Amanda came out of the hospital,she was getting back on her feet again.It may seem to the people who verbally attacked her after she got out that “it is only words”.But Amanda was already diminished in her mental capacity to “fight off” this psychological warfare.Hence,the words got past her mental defences and penetrated deeper into her psyche.Those words did hurt her much more deeply,I have no doubts about this.I do not believe this post was too harsh.Actually,I think it starts to explain how,over time, we can go from”You’re teeth are crooked”,to “you’re crazy” and show how the prolonged verbal assault breaks the person down.My Lord,how cruel this truly is.P.

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  4. namedallas says:

    I don’t think it was to harsh.I think you hit the nail right on the head, it’s pretty easy to blow off a coment from a stranger or someone if you don’t value their oppinion, but if it comes from someone that is suposed to be your freind it cut like a knife.Nothing leaves deeper scares than words or actions from those that we look up to. Hopefuly they learn from those mistakes and chose to make a change for the better.As harsh as the true may been we don’t learn from ignoring it.

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    • And sometimes people don’t think before they speak. We are all guilty of it. But sometimes, there are those that have been beaten and battered down by words and they can’t handle it anymore. Subsequently, the words hurt deeper and deeper.

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  5. Michael S says:

    Hello Carol, Up to 60% of the human body is water, the brain is composed of 70% water, According to the research of Renowned Japanese Researcher Masura Emoto, words on water change the molecular structure of water When you put positive words on water, you positively change the molecular structure of that water. That definitely shows the power of words. “Trying” to ignore the haters is a lot harder than people think. Take care always, Michael from Saskatchewan.

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  6. merle48 says:

    With fewer words than I usually write, I just believe that empathy,compassion and social graces begin at home. It’s a vicious cycle…if the parent doesn’t have them…how can they teach it to their children? If the parent doesn’t interact with the child…how can they know what happens in the child’s life day to day? I doubt

    most parents would approve of their child bullying others, then again….some parents are not so NICE, and that is passed on to the child also, as children imitate their parents more than we want to admit. The morals that used to be taught in schools, and churches have basically vanished, and whether a person believes in God or not, at least God’s values are the kind this world needs…children need. If a home is “broken” then rest assured, so is the child. If there is physical/verbal abuse going on in the home, then many times the child will aim the same behavior at vulnerable kids, although some kids will retreat within themselves.
    Educating the parents is vital to changing the way their children treat others, Brainstorming with kids about “why” they bully, and for the ones that get bullied, why is it so hard to convey their feelings to a trusted person? My guess is the self-esteem issue is so intense….their shame at being labeled “inferior” to others. These kids live in the NOW, not the future. They have tunnel vision and never see the bright light at the end! I’ve come to one conclusion, which I know is not new…we need more resources in schools and more understanding people everywhere. Straight from the “horses mouth” I grew up with bullies also, however, it was not near the epidemic proportions that we see now. Then again, many of us just got up and “brushed ourselves off” and continued with life, hiding our shame, blocking it out..no, burying it. Is that any better? Broken children=broken adults.

    Sorry, I guess it’s not short?

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    • Tristan says:

      One thing i love about these blogs, is that they sure bring up good topics and good discussions. merle48 again, i very much enjoyed reading your comment just as much as did the blog, and i couldnt agree more with everything you put in it. I would like to elaborate more, but i must leave for now as i am at work, so ill keep it short and simple.

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