Day 28 (November 9) – So much to write about and I don’t know where to start. I could write about fluids — but no one but the friends in my kitchen tonight would understand. I could write about my busy day yesterday, today, and even tomorrow. I just can’t believe the meetings and people I am meeting and what is happening in our small (not so obscure city). I don’t even know if I can talk about it yet except the business leaders are all being pro-active on the initiative and I LOVE IT!! I could talk about how the Celebration of Life/Amanda’s bday is coming along well and the details will be sent out and press released in the next day or two. However, the theatre only seats 1000 people. My days are currently filled with which piece of me does someone want today. I love doing what I am doing because it helps others (yes I will say it again, Amanda and I were similar in that way). A friend of Amanda’s just messaged me and said she was so unselfish at school that she stopped others from being bullied although she was bullied herself. Now that just makes me mad and sad at the same time. I then look at her picture staring at me on my Facebook page and get so sad because I miss her so. She did talk to me about her thoughts and I always told her that if she ever died, the bullies would only remember her for a bit but her parents and those who really loved her would miss her forever. She always nodded and agreed with me and said she would never leave that way. That’s why it confuses me so. When you watch the second Elise Estrada video, I want everyone to know that many of the video clips were done by Amanda in the last weeks of her life. They weren’t old or dated clips of her singing. Amanda had found her voice again and wanted to sing, dance and smell the flowers. As I had written in other posts, she had started to go out, socialize and feel normal again. To turn back time would be great but we can’t. So we forge ahead and learn the lessons that need to be learned by what happened to Amanda. In the months ahead, I will advocate for her and be her voice. I will deal with past issues so that we can all try to move forward. I think I said in a couple of posts ago, our children are our children forever. I am the MAMA BEAR!! Oh, I know what I wanted to rant about … the idiots who make fake Twitter and Facebook accounts using my name. I find this utterly shocking and dispicable. Is there nothing better to do than impersonate a mother who has just lost a child? So I went to a Carol Todd site and the person was actually asking for pictures to be posted of Amanda and her mom. And people were posting. Plus she had friends there of mine who thought that it was a real site for me. So the lesson learned is to triple and quadruple check sites before you start unleashing your stories. Because (just like Amanda), you don’t know who is at the other end. And we are the adults …. Sleep well my friends … love from the 100% Amanda Todd’s real mom.
“***As I read back on my rant, I see how I moved from topic to topic this morning. So please read it and understand that for the last 4 weeks, I have probably had 4 hours of sleep per night.”