Day 30 after October 10th (for Amanda)

Day 30 (November 10) – Went last night to see Air Supply. Did you know that the band started up in 197?. I was just a meer 15 years old. The same age as Amanda. The concert brought me back to when we went to concerts at the PNE Fairgrounds at the Gardens. Does anyone remember that? I remember seeing The Headpins, Trooper and Sweeney Todd. Yikes… that ages all of us who went to high school with me and others too.

But what I want to say is that at 15 back in 1977, we (as youth) were given so much more independence back then without the fear of internet predators and cyberbullying (except for fears of Clifford Olsen). It makes one think about how life and society has changed and what this has done to our youth today. I keep running into young people and older people who tell about their experiences either being bullied or being a bullier. All have had their ‘aha’ moment.

My burning question is this one – ‘For those who have never been bullied, my question is why? What did you (as a person) do differently that made you avoid being the target of someone else’s wrath?’

To find out answers from different people would be a goldmine. The same way as finding out from a bullier, why they bully (kid and/or adult). Why does it give them power? What is it that makes them do it? What makes people talk about others?  Does it give them power and control?  How does one change the way of thinking?

Over the past 4 weeks, I have done some soul searching about me as a person, as a mom, as a friend. I really don’t think I am as great as you (my friends) think I am. I try my hardest to be the person I can be. But stories in my own life has put dents in me that can never be pulled out. It has taken me years to figure out which ones to box away and which ones to keep. I am kind of tired of boxes. Now I have another thing to pack away and I don’t get to gift wrap it. That makes me sad …

But … here is a happy story to end my rant for this day. My wonderful neighbours have a plan to help fulfill one of the family traditions that we have had with Amanda. On Amanda’s birthday each year (which is Nov 27), the christmas lights are always up and turned on when she arrived home on her bday wherever she was. So today I saw my neighbour up on his roof (and I mean up there) putting his lights on for Amanda. The funny thing is that every other year, he is usually one of the last ones rushing to put the lights up on his house due to a busy work and kid schedule. Now that he has started, the pressure is on for all of us others to follow. I am sending Rob out to buy new lights tomorrow and I see that Walmart in the States has snowflake icicle dangly lights.

So let’s hope for a clear sky weekend in Port Coquitlam so all my neighbours who want to put their lights up are able to do it. Thank you Bryan for starting ….

Time for bed. Not sure about sleep. I had coffee tonight.  Wonder what effect if will have …

So to all those friends who are asleep … sweet dreamz …. Hugz … xoxo


About Carol Todd

Being the mother of Amanda Todd has lead me on this journey shortly after Amanda's death on October 10, 2012. Amanda's prolific You Tube video has been viewed over 33 million times. Through this video, there has been an increased awareness about cyberbullying, social media safety and mental health.
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3 Responses to Day 30 after October 10th (for Amanda)

  1. Carol bullies always prey on the good the kind the smart the beautiful etc its their insecurities and anger that push them to crush all this good so that they can feel better about themselves. I just think it’s luck and circumstance if they see or sense any weakness they continue. A kind hearted person may react too calmly or to kindly perhaps that’s all! Kids need to stand up for themselves they need to nip it in the bud and report it before it destroys them. And it can. 😦 xoxo ❤


  2. merle48 says:

    It’s strange how I blocked a lot of bullying incidents out of my younger life…maybe because my journey has allowed me the wisdom to know what really matters…but it sure did take a long time! I am from a very different generation then kids of today, and even the 30 something adults too. I guess I had bulls eyes marked all over me…for many different reasons…which doesn’t really matter now what they were. I have to say that back “then” we just took the abuse and maybe buried it, or sometimes we fought back…I did both. Unfortunately, the generation of today has a “thinner skin” because we as parents and adults have unwittingly enabled this through our protective instinct for our kids. We have developed learning skills geared towards TOO MUCH coddling…mostly because we don’t want our children to experience a lot of the crap that we had to. My own father was a bully, albeit he loved us best he could, but was so far removed from my generation….he was 49 when I was born, and being strict was an art form for him. Maybe that is why I survived, because what he dished out was far worse than any other kid could give to me. I developed a tough skin, and didn’t actually think that others were “bullying” me at the time, I just thought I deserved it and felt different from a lot of my friends. I attribute that to my father’s parenting methods, because he always criticized everything I did. Children must be taught coping skills, along with compassion and understanding at a young age, however, none of us are cut from the same cloth…some children come from homes of “hell.” How can a child learn these skills when they are still harboring open wounds? I think we send subliminal messages with our body language, and also if any weaknesses are detected in a potential victim, that is what a bully will prey upon. My oldest daughter was a bully to my younger one, but one day when I was not around to “protect” her, I later found out that she stood up to the sister bully and put her “in her place” by not showing fear, and also blurted out all the things she kept inside for years. They are now much closer…something I never dreamed would be attained in their lifetime. After that incident, it never happened again. To answer why some never receive the wrath of a bully….”By the grace of God go I.” That probably explains a lot of it, and the rest is how the victim interprets the aggression, as well as how the perpetrators interpret their victim’s vulnerability. There are as many people bullied because of their beauty, as there are for not “fitting” with the “in crowd.” But I really think that victims of bullying must learn to stand up for themselves…in a constructive way of course. There is nothing more affirmative then counteracting the bully’s bad behavior by “calling them out on it,” so to speak. Yet, because we are all wired differently, no two ways work for everyone. Some people need support of others, (most of us), others need to do it themselves. Oh my, this is really the $60,000 question Carol! So many thoughts swirling in my head right now, so I’ll close by saying, “BULLYING DOES NOT DISCRIMINATE.”


  3. namedallas says:

    Hey Carol you asked for those of you who have never been bullied,why .If you ever get the answer to that qeustion will you post it. Thanks Dallas


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