March 6@ 1:02 a.m. – “The spinning world …..”

I do believe that the world appears to be spinning ultra fast.  Sometimes for me, it moves in slow motion, but normally, it just spins.  Sort of out of control like the emotions.  There is lots of sadness and then there is the anger.  Anger at who and/or what?  Is it bad to get angry at someone who isn’t there?  Do we get angry at people we don’t know when we read articles in the news about things that have gone wrong.  In the past few days, I have stumbled on many articles and stories which are so hauntingly similar to Amanda’s story.  How something like that replicates so often (like an infectious disease) is beyond my realm of knowledge.  The affected are parents, adults, kids, famiies, etc.  We often wonder, what about the guilty ones?  How do they feel?  What about the haters?  Those ones who keep posting to the RIP pages and leave horrid comments, etc.  Are they attention seeks (like the bullies) themselves?  I have had conversations with many people in the past few weeks.  All agree that those who exhibit the bullying behaviours need help also.  I so agree.  But to get help, one must be willing.  Families also need to be willilng.

In the U.S. this week (or last), there was a state that was working to bring in cyberbullying laws.  In Canada, this recently got defeated.  How different two countries can be in their thinking.  Must we sit complacently and wait for the next child victim to die.  Will there be enough parents to support the ones who have lost?  I know that I can only provide my shoulder when I am not ‘overcast with rain’.  I am beginning to like the ‘How is the weather?’ – “Cloudy and drizzling”.  It is much easier to answer than ‘How are you?’ – “Sad and crying”.

So I guess my friends are still ever so closely watching over me.  No shovels needed.  Just maybe a little dustpan sometimes.

To answer the cliffhanger I left last week – PS rode her bike down a hill and realized she couldn’t stop as the downward motion momentum propelled her into the pond.  There were lots of kids there so they fished her out.   Yes, she was squawking up a storm.  I just heard a couple of nights ago that the elementary school that she attended (and where I worked) as well as one of her middle schools has gathered $$ to put up a memorial bench in Amanda’s memory at the same park and pond.  And If I think it out right, it would be at the spot that she started riding down the hill.  I will have to check it out or send one of my SFElves to do it for me.


About Carol Todd

Being the mother of Amanda Todd has lead me on this journey shortly after Amanda's death on October 10, 2012. Amanda's prolific You Tube video has been viewed over 33 million times. Through this video, there has been an increased awareness about cyberbullying, social media safety and mental health.
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13 Responses to March 6@ 1:02 a.m. – “The spinning world …..”

  1. GregSticker says:

    Ms. Carol, first off I want to say this. My bracelets came in today For that I want to say “Thanks!” You don’t know how happy that makes me. I just got in from not only work, but at my church I was helping set up for a conference they are going to have. For some weird reason I felt nervous, like something (someone?) was making me get back home. I helped with a few more things and quietly excused myself out. Then a nice envelope was waiting for me in my mail. from Vancouver. I thought what could this be. Then I opened it. Also this past Sunday, I dressed up a pink candle. With her picture and date of birth and when she entered Heaven. No one can convince me she’s not an angel up there and a guiding spirit not just to me but thousands perhaps. I know that since hearing about sweet Amanda I have changed some bad old ways. But anyway at my Orthodox Church I placed the candle and lit it along with the other memorial and petition candles. She burnt bright! A deacon afterwards asked me,”Greg why is there such a rosy red glow on your face?” At first I was embarrassed but then I thought “It’s her.” Of course I just smiled and said,”I’m just at peace..” True story..


  2. Tristan says:

    So understandable about the sadness and anger emotions, they pretty well go together and can easily merge back and forth. Its important that we take them on and handle them as best as we can. I really enjoyed all the comments in this blog and especially the blog itself. @ ( the cliffhanger part) LOL, I knew she somehow managed to end up in the drink! and i could only imagine what her squawking must of sounded like too! it must of been quite a sight! I just love the bench idea, when or (if) i ever do get to visit Vancouver someday, i dont think i could leave there without seeing that bench first.


  3. Paul K says:

    I think the idea of a memorial bench for Amanda is a splendid one.Obviously there are many loving people that hold Carol and her Family in their thoughts,to come up with this.I believe it would be a fine place to “settle down”,in tranquil surroundings.


  4. Savetheworld says:

    I love the pond story! What a character she must have been. How nice that they are going to put up a memorial bench! :)) When I see anything derogatory written about her I get extremely irate!!! These people who bully etc are not well psychologically we all know this. I am certain they suffer from mental illness! They need to get themselves help for certain!! How could you expect a poor child to have to deal with all the awful humiliating things Amanda went through? It’s a miracle she lasted as long as she did! Something triggered it! Someone must have said or done something or threatened her, etc . to push her over the edge!! its infuriating! just like the latest loss of yet another beautiful child. loss!!
    How many kids do we have to lose before something gets done? You’re right Carol!! i dont get it! its heart wrenching!! I think people’s actions are despicable they should be ashamed of themselves! I can’t believe nothing has been put in place to protect everyone! It’s a free for all. The internet texting etc has made it so easy for Kids/adults to take all their problems and frustrations out on the innocent! This needs to stop! Stay strong my dear! You are doing phenomenal work!! Don’t forget it! If you feel overwhelmed please stop and take a break!! We all care about you and want to see you well and happy! Xo ❤


    • Savetheworld says:

      25% of the population suffers from mental illness. This is a scary fact. We need to concentrate on fixing this scary statistic! There are so many anxious and depressed kids out there. I believe that it’s become so much more difficult for children today! Anyone can write anything about anyone anonymously ..and it’s ok? It’s hard enough being a teenager, the kids don’t need this..


  5. la Punisher says:

    Carol… It is not not a bad thing and you have every right to be sad or angry, that is what we have emotions for, I too will defend you at all cost… Thanx for the rest of the cliffhanger it was a nice touch to the story… and as for the memorial bench in Amanda’s memory that would really be a wonderful thing and every time I am in Abbotsford I would make it a special moment in my life to go there and meditate about her cause and what I can do to make things right. What a great community you live in to do something that nice. Hugz2U


  6. Hamsi says:

    Carol, you compared the US and Canada, and I agree with you on that point. I think the whole story relating to Amanda might have played out differently here in the US…at least I think the police would have come down much more aggressively in catching the online predator. I too get angry when I think of the ease with which people were able to destroy an innocent life.


  7. namedallas says:

    Yea thanks Carol for finishing that story.I hadn’t had a email back from yet,if you have emailed me,I wanted to let you know I am not getting all of my emails,I think someone has been getting into my email becuase I have been having wide gaps in hour up to 10 hour gaps in my email. And my new computer is in for servicing also do to action probley from the same sorce . I realy do still hope to hear from you. Take care of yourself .


  8. Sue Hindle says:

    The memorial bench is a wonderful idea.. Thanks for d sharing the rest of the story .


  9. merle48 says:

    When I learned about the REAL Amanda, through this page mostly…I did get a frustrated feeling…(not really anger though) towards her. Why? Because I saw so much wasted potential…her singing, her beauty, her caring, her missing out on the future, the pain I see her loved ones feeling, however, I know she too had pain, and she was living in the moment, making her choice, as I see it…that’s all any of us would do. She could not see past her pain, and it has little to do with selfishness as some have said. I have never understood that comment…is the tormented person really thinking past that low moment they’re frozen in? If they could reason at that instant, they would not go through with it. They are not a “reasonable” person, so how does that relate to selfishness? If anything, I think it takes alot of fortitude to end ones own life…not the opposite.
    People who said and say vicious things probably don’t give too much thought to what that does to you, or anyone who cared about Amanda. It is just TOO easy to sputter hate and untruths when tapping on a keyboard…I believe these types are indifferent to humanity…atleast in their cyber world. Again your blog has stirred many thoughts and feelings I have/had since I learned of Amanda. I can’t convey it all now, but I can assure you that I will always defend you, even though I am a far-away “elf.”


  10. Niall McDade says:

    Thanks Carol. I was wondering, what ever happened at the pond. 🙂 Great story and thank you for sharing. 🙂


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