One month + 2 weeks after October 10th (for Amanda)

One month + 2 weeks (November 21, 2012)

Before you look at the time and yell at me again about sleeping, it’s OK. I haven’t written anything with much content since Saturday night. I have lots to say but where do I start. I will start with my memory or there lack of. In case anyone is wondering, when the brain is too full, the memory becomes faulty. The only other time this happened was when I either was pregnant or had the kids. Yes, had to be more than just the first one. For right now, thank goodness I have my friends following me around and picking up my pieces. I mean literally, they have spend many days looking for my glasses, paperwork, even wine glasses (that had wine in it). I even misplaced some cheques and I really can’t find them. I know I walked into my house with them, and then …. So embarrassed but then on the other hand, my brain is too full. I have been zombified since Sunday night. Maybe that was a good thing. Alone time is my hardest time. All the times when Amanda was wanting things and doing what Princess girls do best, I am missing. The silence without her words is hard.

Tonight I went to the mall with my friends for something different to do and a change in scenery of the house and it’s emptiness from Amanda. It was busy and crowded and I am not the best shopper in a normal time. Particular stores in the mall were hard to go into. It will be a process, one where it will take time. And also this. It has only been 6 weeks. At the mall tonight, I saw many people that I had last seen before the turmoil in life took over. It was nice to get hugs and positive words from the people I know and who know me. There were also those who didn’t know me but thought they did. I am sure that these people have seen me in some form of media in the past few weeks and it triggered a memory. It is when you get those looks and the feeling you are being stared at by someone who thinks they know you but not really.

I was at the MAC makeup area the Bay tonight and the girl who helped me admired my snowflake pin. I gave her one of the pink bracelets with Amanda’s name and Stay Strong on it. She said thank you and put it on. It was only later that she saw the name on it. When she saw me again, she came up and gave me a hug and there were tears in her eyes. Another girl who worked at the MAC counter had cheered at the same gym as Amanda and talked to me about cheer. I wish I had had more bracelets with me. Then there was the server at Earl’s this afternoon. I had been at Earl’s a couple of weeks ago for a meeting and had left a snowflake on the table. We had the same server today and she had found the snowflake and attached it to something that was part of her work stuff. I gave her a pink bracelet too and she was happy to wear it. It’s those things that make me smile because the bracelet is a reminder that we (as Amanda’s family and friends) are here to make a difference where we live and beyond. Please help to spread the message. The bracelets are a start. Our words also help.

Gotta go to bed…. Love to you all xoxo


About Carol Todd

Being the mother of Amanda Todd has lead me on this journey shortly after Amanda's death on October 10, 2012. Amanda's prolific You Tube video has been viewed over 33 million times. Through this video, there has been an increased awareness about cyberbullying, social media safety and mental health.
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