March 22nd @ 12:12 a.m. Too many new contacts ….

I have to apologize to all those people who I don’t re-contact back with.  It’s not that I don’t want to talk to you.  It’s just that there are so many of you out there.  I am slowly trying to sort it out. I have to make notes to remember where people live, what they do in life, how many kids they have and why they connected to me in the first place.  For example – what was their story?  I try  so hard to keep on top of it. I feel so stupid sometimes when I have to ask a question like .. “Where are you from again?”  “Where did I meet you?”  There was someone last month who asked if I could come to the island to talk to some young people for a ‘Youth Conference” in May.  That would be great but now I can’t remember the name of the person who asked and it has filtered down my email chain.  I guess I need to figure out a way to easily track these things down.  Being a type “A” person, it just drives me crazy.  But then again, I can’t do everything.

Someone told me today that snowdrops started blooming in early February and they are almost done.  😦  But good news is that it is a bulb flower and I am going to get some bulbs for next year.

Found out that the hoodies will come in zip style also.  So I’m waiting to see how many people will change from regular to zip.  I know I will.

Funny thing with the weather.  I know it has been snowing like crazy east of Vancouver . But today I woke up to messages that it was snowing in parts of Coquitlam, Burnaby, North Vancouver, etc.  There was no snow in PoCo.  I had an appt with my therapist this afternoon.  No, I am not ashamed to say that.  I know that at one point I said I didn’t need to go to anyone and back then, I was okay with the friends around me.  But now I am glad that I am seeing and talking to someone.  It gets me talking.  He asks me pointed questions. Some I can answer.  Others I can’t.  He gets me to think about what I say and how and why I say things. For example, when I went into her room yesterday.  Was there an underlying reason?  I never really thought about it that way.  Oh well, back to the weather.  So after hearing that it was snowing all day, people reminded me that PS (Princess Snowflake) was one again causing some commotion.  When I was telling my therapist how angry still I was at Amanda for doing what she did, (and this is the honest truth), it started to snow like crazy in Port Coquitlam.  It lasted for about 10 minutes.  It was like a ‘wow’ ‘holy sh*t’ moment.  Was it Amanda eavesdropping on me talking about her?  She did use to lurk and listen.  I remember those mornings she would barge into my room.  One morning, she came into my room and just sat on my bed and chatted.  I think it was a shock to my BBBB as he wasn’t use to Amanda yet or even having a girl-child around.  But Amanda just made herself comfortable and talked to us about everything.  She was wearing her monkey PJ’s.  Yes, those went into the memory quilt bag.

Another day.  Lots happening again.  Snowdrops. Snowball trees.  Plants. Flowers. Gardens. Sunshine.  Rain. Snow.  And now it is frosty cold outside.

I would like to say ‘thank you’ to everyone who comes here to read what I write.  I don’t know everyone who comes to read as everyone doesn’t make a comment.  Sharing it is my therapy.  I just found an article tonight that said that very thing.  Yes, for me it is therapeutic.  There are things that I do share and some things that I don’t.  Protecting some privacy is still important to me and my family.  The fact is .. if it hasn’t been shared by now … it may never be shared.  As I gain trust from meeting or talking to real people, then more info is gathered.  But there are some things that will never be posted on a blog that is so public.  This post was interesting –

I still find it interesting when people comment without verification of truth thinking themselves as the ‘know everything’ gurus.  When they posture themselves and voice their opinions as facts in hopes that others will listen and agree …. well … let’s all think about that for a minute.

Time for bed or some aimless reading.   Tomorrow is another day.  What will the weather be like ???

Sleep tight.  Hope for some sun and vitamin D.   (Can someone describe what they think a man-cold really is ??)

Hugz to all … xoox   (P.S. – thanks Jackie for all that you do)





About Carol Todd

Being the mother of Amanda Todd has lead me on this journey shortly after Amanda's death on October 10, 2012. Amanda's prolific You Tube video has been viewed over 33 million times. Through this video, there has been an increased awareness about cyberbullying, social media safety and mental health.
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14 Responses to March 22nd @ 12:12 a.m. Too many new contacts ….

  1. Savetheworld says:

    Carol, Amanda’s spirit is around you for sure. I believe this 100%. Look for the signs and clues. My girlfriend used to find pennies in her house all the time, in really wierd places, she was certain it was her grandma. I think it’s fabulous that you share your feelings with us it is imperative that you do!! Therapists are wonderful I truly believe that everybody would benefit from seeing one especially these days with mental illness being so prelavent. 😦 I absolutely love reading your blogs and I especially love hearing stories about your girl. I’m sure she’s upset with herself too Carol, but perhaps her life here was supposed to be special but short-lived. What you have to think right now is what her life has accomplished. So many people come and go but she has left a legacy and she’s brought a change upon the world like no other child. Change that has and is going to continue to save lives. Hold onto this my dear sweet woman and keep spreading the word! She’s left her legacy in really great hands. Stay strong ! Sending you lots of love and hugs! Xoxo

    Ps re keeping track of everyone: try an excel spreadsheet : name , city, no, explanation ! 🙂


  2. Hamsi says:

    Hi Carol, if you haven’t already, you should make a folder in your email inbox and name it Invitation to speak or something like that …..because it is obvious you get a lot of them (invites) and will continue to do so. Then you won’t lose them!

    A great blog post, as always!


  3. From here and elsewhere we are all with you.
    Rebuild priority is yours.
    I have the same courage?
    I subtracted three reasons to live .
    Borrowing your words of wisdom for me just hope


  4. namedallas says:

    Hi Carol
    I think every body know how busy and that you are going through so much right now and I don’t think anyone blames you for not getting back to them, I know I certainly wouldn’t .And by the way I think you are doing a pretty good job at it for the load you have on you .I would also like to respond to Qeustion that you asked once befor that i didn’t get to respond to .You asked why people were interested in what you write,here is my answer . Never marrying or haveing kids myself there so much that I haven’t experienced in life,and getting to hear so much detail about someone’s family life is very interesting .This is all new to me becuase I don’t get to hear about stuff like this.Hope that don’t sound to stupid,but that’s my reason .
    Take care of yourself Carol.


  5. Tristan says:

    What a wonderful read Carol, love the little bits about Amanda. It adds color to the ‘big’ picture for us learning all these little pieces about her life. You share plenty with us Carol, and i don’t think we could ask for more, respecting your privacy is important. Truly do love reading all your posts and will continue to read them as time goes on. Just because i don’t place a comment on all of them doesn’t mean i don’t see them ,,I make sure to read each and every one of them and totally look forward to them every day,,(I’m sure you already know that). When i send off messages to you , i don’t always expect replies as i know your bombarded with the Emails daily so i just leave them for you to ponder, take and leave whatever you want from them.When i see you online i know your fingers are already probably pretty busy and have plenty on the go. That is definitely a ‘holy sh*t’ moment during the session with the snow coming down, PS surly had something to do with it. Almost reminds me of the snowflakes on the candle above the fireplace story, same kind of coincidence, PS letting you know she’s around, listening and watching. I m wishing sunshine for you when you wake up, and even if the sun is not out, im wishing you a sunny day anyway 🙂


  6. I believe that snow is going to make its way East, looks like it may snow here on Monday, I use to be critical and think that what I said was end all be all, but know I try to see both sides of the story before I say something, and try to keep my mouth shut if I have nothing good to say. Sleep tight Carol… um not sure what a “Man Cold” is I just call them colds, flus etc… they’re all the same and I hate them all


  7. merle48 says:

    A “man-cold” is the WORST kind….all women know that….it’s that simple…hehe.


  8. merle48 says:

    You really poured it on in this blog! “Another day. Lots happening again. Snowdrops. Snowball trees. Plants. Flowers. Gardens. Sunshine. Rain. Snow. And now it is frosty cold outside.” Could this be a metaphor for your daily life? I could take each of these words and find a simile for it, although yours would be different than mine I’m sure. There are many different kinds of therapy, and somedays one kind is better than another. I love when you share stories about Amanda’s regular days, as she certainly had more of them in her entire life than the negative ones. I believe this is what we tend to forget, as the media portrayal has made her larger than life, yet she has so much more history…memories of her life that none but her loved ones cherish. You share little bits with your readers, and that I’m so thankful for…the REAL Amanda…you are doing her an honorable service!


  9. la Punisher says:

    To Niall McDade: My thoughts exactly,
    Don’t know Carol…how I would enjoy my morning coffee if you ever stopped writing, You have a ton of followers worldwide, not only because you are a great advocate for your daughter, but because you write interesting blogs, and for these two reasons, I will always be a fan
    Have a wonderful day… Hugz:)


  10. Niall McDade says:

    Thanks for another great read, Carol. Your virtual friends are walking along beside you, every step of the way.


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