March 24 @ 10:34 p.m. – Caught the man cold …

Oh no … I caught the man-cold. First virus since October.  Now I ‘m  trying to get rid of id and fast.  Vitamins, tylenol, bed …

Still … had another mental breakdown about an hour ago.  I think the dog we have that Amanda named ‘Mandy’ did it.  Mandy just seems to sit there and look at me with those questioning eyes.  She will even come and just sit by me which she never did before October 10th.  Am I imagining it?  Getting really spooked out.

I am sure my BBBB doesn’t understand it all.  If I don’t understand my emotional rollercoaster, then how could someone else.

I have spend the last hour crying.  As I said last night, it drives me insane as to why.  The tears has now wiped me out completely.

Oh .. I went to the park/pond today to see where the bench would go. It’s almost the exact location where Amanda started her bike trek into the pond.  I have to figure out the words to the engraving on her bench. Another hard moment for me.

AMANDA:  I WANTED YOU HERE TO SHARE YOUR LIFE WITH ME.  YOU NEEDED TO BE HERE TO WATCH ME GET OLDER!!

I’m done.  It’s night time…. xoxo

To Shawn, We loved the chicken dumplings.  They were great.  It’s the comfort food thing.

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About Carol Todd

Being the mother of Amanda Todd has lead me on this journey shortly after Amanda's death on October 10, 2012. Amanda's prolific You Tube video has been viewed over 33 million times. Through this video, there has been an increased awareness about cyberbullying, social media safety and mental health. www.amandatoddlegacy.org
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7 Responses to March 24 @ 10:34 p.m. – Caught the man cold …

  1. Colin Connolly says:

    I often read your blog but this is my first comment here. I think what you are doing with education & awarenes of not just bullying but mental health issues & internet safety for youngsters is amazing. However I can often feel exhausted by just reading your daily activities & I’m amazed at how you have kept this up all this time. Perhaps it has helped you cope with your lost by helping so many others but I believe you now have to put yourself first by resting fully.

    I sincerely hope you can rest up a bit & come back fresher & stronger however long that takes. Give yourself time to grief properly. I wish you a full & speedy recovery 🙂

    Like

  2. Hamsi says:

    Dogs are very perceptive. Mandy comes and sits by you because she senses you have both suffered the same loss. I hope we, your virtual friends, are helping you cope in a small way. Take care.

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  3. Savetheworld says:

    Carol you are run down your body is telling you to rest and relax. We also feel so much worse emotionally when we are run down. It’s ok for you to cry, actually it’s essential. It releases a lot of toxins. My heart truly goes out to you. Sending you healing energy. Xo big hugs!!

    Like

  4. merle48 says:

    Please take care of yourself and just rest…your body is trying to tell you that. When a person is run down, they catch everything. Allow yourself some comfort from all the “signs” you have been receiving, try to embrace the beautiful mystery of it all. Just as we try to find ways to communicate to our loved ones who are gone…I trust that they are trying to reach us also. Your message to Amanda (all caps) speaks volumes of your honest feelings. All the small things are therapy also. Today I pray that you’re comforted.

    Like

  5. la Punisher says:

    Carol… my heart goes out to you, I hope you have a wonderful day 🙂 Hugz 2U

    Like

  6. Michelle Tod says:

    Good morning Carol, Sorry to hear that you have a man cold!!! Maybe this is a sign that just for a few days, you need to rest and relax (take care of yourself a bit) If I may say something, not the same thing but, when my father passed away (will be six years ago on the 26th of March) and trust me I know it is not the same, we as parents are never supposed to bury our kids, our kids are supposed to outlive us, but the whole point that I am trying to make is this, you lost your daughter 5 months ago, the grieving process takes at least a year to really go through, your wounds are still fresh and little things will bring on the waterworks, like Mandy the dog staring at you wondering when your daughter will walk through that door, dogs too can feel our grief, do not beat yourself up about crying, do not ever question yourself why at some inopportune time you cry, and never ever apologize for grieving a loved one or talking about your loved one, it is your grief and you need to go through it so you can start to live again, that being said, I still have moments after six years where something will trigger my grief and I will cry like a baby, you, your grief is still very much fresh and due to the circumstances alot harder to go through, you are a strong, courageous and selfless woman, please know that you are not alone and we are all here for you, xoxoxo

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