June 15 – How words can hurt !!!

There have been so many conversations, articles and discussions about the Ask.fm site.  Everyday, as opposed to 5 months ago, there has been a steady increase in opposition towards this site.  Many parents are now joining forces in being the voice that describes why this site isn’t good for their children and sharing what they have seen.

“There are a few teens told to do that on that site. I brought it to the attention of a mom I know who’s daughter had shit like that all over her ask site from some anonymous person. It’s disgusting.”

“My daughter was told much the same thing on that site. I had her remove the app. Can we parents get a petition or something going to get this removed from facebook or at least have the annonymous posters identified and their fb privileges removed for at least a month?”

http://www.stuff.co.nz/nelson-mail/news/8800622/Mum-joins-calls-to-close-website

Screen Shot 2013-06-15 at 1.52.47 AM

But the company who manages the site isn’t seeing what is wrong with how kids use this site.  One article posted that there were ‘The Latvian-run site, launched in June 2010, has racked up more than 40 million users worldwide and claims to be adding 200,000 new members each day.’ That is huge.  How do you ever stop what is going on unless there are filters built within the software program.   Also teaching kids how to use the proper settings would be helpful.  But the main question is .. why do kids have to be so cruel?  It’s the same question that we (as adults) ask all the time.

The only answer I have is that kids/youth/people hide behind their anonymity.   But it’s not only about this site where this happens.  It’s about all the sites that are easy to access.  And it is so easy to write comments and put cruel and hurtful words for the intended to read.  It’s easy to say the words ‘Just keep your kid off it’ or to the youth ‘Just stay off it’.   It is only hoped that the person posting will stop.  But when fueled, he/she/it will continue to say things.  Try to ignore. But the hardest is when the hurtful words are spread all over for everyone else to see.  Then those who see it start on the tirade.  It is hard to ignore something that you know is there x5, x10, x100, x1000.  It is similar to ‘damage control’ but who is going to do that.   THINK BEFORE YOU HIT ENTER/SEND!!

“Psychologists have conducted experiments to show that the level of empathy is decreasing among newer generations. So yes, there was always bullying but it is becoming more widespread. Sorry to have to say that!”

The next problem is ‘Who will help in the solution?’ When you are a young person, you have people to choose from.  But who do you trust to ask for help?  And what can be done?  Do parents go to parents? Do parents go to the law officials? What  can a school do?  We see the same questions all the time.  What can provinces do individually?  Or can they align together to make federal legislation?

There was a ‘Review Report’ presented today in Nova Scotia.  Go to Glen Cannings blog for a link to read it.  In one respect, it is good to see that the province of Nova Scotia will have some guidelines to what can be fixed.  Will BC have similar guidelines?

It’s the  BE BOLD launch day tomorrow.  Come down to the Westin Bayshore.  (3 pm to 8 pm)

Sarah K was fabulous last night performing. So glad I was down there.  Funny enough, Sarah went to one of the same schools I taught at.  We shared some memories last night.

IMG_1992   IMG_2119

Ask.fm: Social Network Spreads Among Teens, Blamed For Bullying 
Ask.fm: Social Network Spreads Among Teens, Blamed For Bullying And Suicides | Worldcrunch – Great stories from the world’s best news sources.
worldcrunch.com/tech-science/ask…/c4s12206/
http://news.cnet.com/8301-1023_3-57588247-93/ask.fm-the-troubling-secret-playground-of-tweens-and-teens/
Ask Fm Cyberbullying Kids And Why You Should Say No To This 
Ask Fm Cyberbullying Kids And Why You Should Say No To This Website, because all it does is encourage slut shaming, cyberbullying, and angst amongst  
www.mommyish.com/…/ask-fm-cyberbullying-kids/?…
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About Carol Todd

Being the mother of Amanda Todd has lead me on this journey shortly after Amanda's death on October 10, 2012. Amanda's prolific You Tube video has been viewed over 33 million times. Through this video, there has been an increased awareness about cyberbullying, social media safety and mental health. www.amandatoddlegacy.org
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10 Responses to June 15 – How words can hurt !!!

  1. Savetheworld says:

    I blame the parents as well. Unfortunately bad parenting is not going to go away especially in this greedy selfish world we live in. The only way to beat this thing is to put in strict rules and laws ! Until there are consequences for this type of behaviour this will not end! Carol keep fighting for changes! The Internet and technology is destroying our world!! I also blame these sites! Allvthey care about is the $ they have zero social concious! In personally believe that if someone cane up with a safe site it would do really well! We try to protect our children in the school yards etc there are rules and laws in place why not the Internet!!!! It’s a sad state of affairs! How many more children do we need to lose? I’m dumbfounded! Happy Father’s Day to all!

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  2. la Punisher says:

    As always agreat post, Carol, But I think I said enough today, You may boot me..hehehe
    Hugz 2U

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  3. merle48 says:

    I just had a thought after reading about some of these horrible sites for teens to post on. This has crossed my mind on and off for a long time…when a child gets harassed excessively for so long that they lose self esteem, and acquire learned helplessness, they become so ashamed of themselves and do not want their parents to know how they are being picked on, because they fear the disappointment their parents would feel, because every child wants their parents to be proud of them…although this is not rational thought, this is probably a way of thinking for many kids. They must feel as if they let down the most important people in their lives, where in reality, the parents are the ones that can/should help the most. Well, this unfortunately leads to more of a downward spiral, and after the unthinkable occurs the parents cannot understand the “why’s” of it all. If only our children knew how much we cherish and would protect them! Of course it’s not a perfect family scenario for all kids…that is another huge problem.

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    • la Punisher says:

      This should be where trust between child and parent comes into the picture, Parents really need to listen to the child not only with their ears but with their heart, It’s like, if you really LOVE something, Nurture it with love, More than likely in the homes of the bullies there is no Love, Parents don’t have the time for that kind of stuff when greed fills the heart.

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  4. merle48 says:

    ” But the main question is .. why do kids have to be so cruel? It’s the same question that we (as adults) ask all the time.” I believe the answer lies in the very people that these kids look up to…their parents! “We ARE what we learn.” So simply stated, isn’t it? So difficult to execute properly, because their are so many poor examples for youth to look up to. All of us have had our “poor” moments, but at least some of us realized this is not what we want our kids to imitate. There are no easy answers in this hardened society…however, the parents are the ones who bring their children into this world, and it appears a lot of responsibility after that fact, has been lost to a society that appears to expect “someone else” to do all the rest of the hard work! I do not push my religious beliefs on anyone, however, my religion comes supplied with at least 8 common sense MORALS that enable any society to thrive…the other 2 are God-related morals which are subject to interpretation by the individual. Our society has managed to slowly steer away from the most important writings ever brought into this world…and THIS is where it should begin…with MORALS…then much of the rest would take care of itself. My belief.

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    • la Punisher says:

      To merle48: Ok.. You hit that one smack dab, right on the head, And I really can’t stress enough that it all begins at home, If empathy is lacking in the home Than the child grows up lacking it… I am not religious, but I can see with my own eyes that most people go to church not to pray but to be seen, Pathetic, greedy people, they have NO morals and neither do their children

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  5. Gemma says:

    As a teenager, I think that ask.fm is an absolutely disgusting site. Personally, the reason why I don’t have an account on there is quite obvious, we teenagers receive hell at school and online and behind our backs, and to our faces, why would someone create a pathetic and filthy website where people can insult you anonymously? In some ways, it could be nice to have an account where people only say lovely things to you about how you’re a nice or beautiful person, but wait, then reality hits. On this website, you may get maybe one or two nice comments, the rest will be nasty.
    I’m sorry if the above doesn’t make sense, it frustrates me and angers me that an absolute idiot would make a site like that! It’s like, hello! We’re trying to STOP bullying!!

    Like

    • la Punisher says:

      To Gemma: Your comment makes a lot of sense, (It’s mine that don’t make sense), It’s true, teenagers in today’s world are under one heck of a lot of stress If we can open the eyes of just one teenager at a time to these ugly sites and the dangers that lie within them than all is not lost, The people who create these websites are pathetic, greedy scum of the earth who have no morals… With no doubt you are a wonderful, caring, loving child of the universe and should continue to build upon those talents.

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      • Carol says:

        Thanks Gemma for sharing as much as you have. Getting the young person’s perspective is enlightening to all of us older adults. Thank you for telling it like it is. Youth learn from youth.

        Like

  6. Tristan says:

    Another really great blog,, and some really good questions. It is obvious that there is so much room for much needed improvment , and things do need to change. We are not just talking about just internet sites and what goes on with them,, we are talking about real people , with real feelings that are becoming injured because of what is allowed and tolerated on such sites, and unfortunately the main audience or targets are the youths ,, young teens and kids, who do not have enough skills and knowledge to know how to deal with such harassments and hurtful words and feelings inflicted upon them. And there is such a lack of understanding of the ‘damage caused’ coming from these people who cause these online harassments towards others. They don’t know or consider the vulnerability of the person on the other end, nor do they care. – and that is the biggest disgrace and greatest downfall of the World Wide Web.

    So awesome you got to see Sarah K last night and spend some time with her. Have a good time at the BE BOLD launch tomorrow.

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