August 15 – If Amanda only knew ….

Dear Amanda,

As I roamed around Toronto today meeting a variety of people related to your legacy, it got me thinking about seeing the city in your eyes.  You would have loved the shopping.  Eaton Centre would have been your focus as well as the entertainment on the streets.  The lights on Yonge Street would have reminded you of New York which was another place that you wanted to go see.  I said that we would go during the summer of your high school graduation.  How I wished that you hadn’t disappeared from my life?  We could have had many adventurous trips.  I found Hollister, A & F, American Eagle and Garage all in the same mall.  That’s pretty impressive since we are still in Canada.   I still love the smell of the men’s cologne in A & F. Do you remember squirting the bottles and making our clothes smell? Do you remember collecting the A &F bags because you liked the pictures on them?


Guess what..I think that I will be coming back in November to speak at a conference at Western University.  Pretty cool.  It will be attended by educators who want to learn more about safe communities and safe schools. I wonder how cold it gets here in November.

Then there is the sweatgear.  You will love the purple they have.

And I met a wonderful boy who is writing a book on Canadians who have inspiring stories.

More highlights of this trip:  I met Alex who has a strong passion for making a difference for youth and young people through her music and other talents.  She is trying to round up friends who will help her plan an event at the beginning of  December in Toronto.  It will become a concert/bday party/fundraiser for Passion Foundation and ATL.

Another thing that irked me today was about all those who talk about you and me.  They question motives, fears, and lives.  It drives me crazy how people become so obsessed with your life after death.  If everyone could just channel their energy into making the world a safer place, then their could be more positive changes happening.

I do continue to read up on the news in Nova Scotia and wonder ‘WHY?’.  I will leave that ‘Why what…’ to your imagination.

Last night I met Rehtaeh’s aunties. They are both so wonderful and witty people.  You would have loved them because I sure did.  We laughed, we cried.  One of the aunties sons has October 10th as a birthday. Dates will always stick for a reason.  Just like 04/04 is significant to those who loved Rehtaeh and myself.

Here’s another weird story.  Yesterday I met someone from CBC for coffee. We walked to and stopped randomly at a  French cafe.  After many moments and stories, I looked up and saw on a window, a snowflake decal.  I told the journalist and she got goosebumps.  I didn’t tell her that it was the same snowflake as the one I just took off the back of my vehicle.   Snowflakes on a window in August.  How is that happening?


Also, there was a sad story today in the paper.   Her name was Gia Allemand.  She took her own life yesterday.  But last October, she tweeted and supported you when others were bullying.  She also said on October 11, 2011, that she had been bullied also.   So very sad.

Sleep well Amanda.  Hope you and Gia meet and carve unique paths.

xoxo Love Mom

About Carol Todd

Being the mother of Amanda Todd has lead me on this journey shortly after Amanda's death on October 10, 2012. Amanda's prolific You Tube video has been viewed over 33 million times. Through this video, there has been an increased awareness about cyberbullying, social media safety and mental health.
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13 Responses to August 15 – If Amanda only knew ….

  1. merle48 says:

    Carol, I hope you realize what a presence in this world your daughter has made/makes, even as she resides in a better place than us. There are so many good things going on because of the inspiration Amanda has given to you and many others to make positive changes for those that experience the unnecessary evils of other so-called people! Once you asked for people to give words for each letter of Amanda’s name, well a little off the beaten path…I’ve decided to define her in entirety.


  2. Deanna (deedee) Norris says:

    Carol, it was an honour to meet you the other day in Oakville, although I have followed and heard your story through my cousin,… I am just another “mom” in this world, trying my best with my daughter, and I want to personally thank you for taking an interest in my daughter her trip to Kenya, and realizing that a if every young person could take such a trip the world would be a different place. As for your snowflake story, take that as a sign that your Beautiful Amanda was looking down at you at that very moment, and wanted you to know… we all have signs, and that was yours… I hope you took some comfort in “your sign”…. till we meet again….


    • merle48 says:

      To Deanna, You are so right about experiencing other people and regions in the world. What you said reminded me of my 20 year old neighbor, Samantha (we call her Sam) who also took a trip to Africa through her college (she had to raise over 5,000 dollars to go with sponsors) as this was for 6 weeks to work with school children in Botswana. She came back with a new perspective. There should be more affordable programs as this, for learning experiences for teens, as it would definitely give new meaning to the “important, positive things” in life.


    • Deedee Ciuciura Norris says:

      Carol, my computer crashed and erased a very important message… I hope that we can connect through social media


  3. Will Burke says:

    Carol Like I have said many times u stumbling upon that Snowflake wasn’t just a coincidence.That was Amanda showing u that she was in TO with u.


  4. merle48 says:

    Sometimes less words are better, so here is a quote that says it all: ” Kindness is the greatest wisdom. ” ~Author Unknown


  5. Pamela says:

    My daughter has been bullied for 2 years it scares me


    • la Punisher says:

      To Pamela:
      That is something to be scared of, But in the same breath you need to ‘stay strong’ and be there for your daughter and encourage her, Helping her to be strong in the face of her adversaries.


  6. la Punisher says:

    Carol You are without a doubt a fantastic advocate, Keep up the good work
    Amanda would have been totally proud of ‘mom’

    Hugz 2U


  7. Savetheworld says:

    Re the snowflake coincidence I think not!! So beautifully written you write so eloquently. She is there with you smiling down at you! So sad about Gia, this bullying needs to end!! Carol is in Toronto! So very exciting! Xo sending you big hugz


  8. H.I.D. says:

    Amanda IS with you on this trip to Toronto Carol. Ask me how I know.
    I will tell you about it in a few short hours.
    Yes, I’ve read about Gia this afternoon…….
    Its also Hannah’s funeral today.

    The most Amazing Weekend Weather Wise in T.O. starts in a few hours.
    The best part here…… Carol is here in T.O.


  9. My heart goes out to you and your family Carol. I followed your daughters story here in Australia; so very sad. Such a beautiful young girl. We hear too many of these stories. I wish there was no more bullying in the world. Sending lots of love and support to you and others who have lost loved ones so young. xxx AnnMarie in Tasmania AU


  10. Karen says:

    Beautiful ❤


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