October 10th – one year since 10/10/2012

Dear Amanda,

Well it finally arrived.  The one year date.  It’s been one hell of a year with a rollercoaster ride that never seems to stop no matter what I scream into the air.  There have been many tears and frustrations this past year.  But there has also been accomplishments.  I have not been the best at documenting everything but I know the information is either in my computer, on the couple of calendars I keep or else on sticky notes that have been pierced on the ‘note’ stick on my desk.  I get nagged at by others who are members of the the society named after you for not following the rules.  Oh well, as you would say, rules are sometimes meant to be broken.  And yes, you broke rules, just like the rest of us.

In looking back at the people your mom has met and what has been accomplished, it is pretty darn amazing.  Some continue to say that I as your mother was attention seeking just like they thought you were when you posted your video.   Just like there are those that keep asking if your video was one of saying goodbye.  Darn tooting NOT!!  Your video was a HELLO I AM HERE!!  kind of video.  I share with others how the day after, you wanted your nails done, your hair done, snacks for a mini party.   You have so much planned and going on.  All the way to December.  We will never know what happened.  Or who might have said what to you.   You were okay one minute and then when the next one came along, you weren’t.  I keep telling people that.  I have no idea about what happened.

To those who say that you wanted attention or that I wanted attention by continuing the message you started, they need to give their a head a big shake and even think about why they say what they do.  These are the people that should look in the mirror and say ‘What am I doing to make a change in society?’.   If truthful, many of them should say ‘nothing much’.  So the truth is telling.

Yesterday (one day before October 10th) was supposed to be a quiet slow kind of day.   It was the polar opposite.  The media started calling early in the day.  Some of the main questions included:   What is LIght Up Purple about?  Why the colour purple?  What has been accomplished in the past year?  What do you see in the forseeable year?  What messages are you sending forward?  How would Amanda feel if she see all this happening?  And much more.  It all surprises me still.  I don’t listen to myself doing these interviews.  Tonight, the one that  I did with @GlobalBC1 tonight felt extremely calming and informative.  I am not sure why but talking on live TV was simple this time.  And Aaron McArthur wore a purple tie.   Awesome!!!

The articles and news shows can be found on the Amanda Todd Legacy website – http://www.amandatoddlegacy.org.  The big goal is to collect as many photos as possible and make digital scrapbooks to post online.  I think that the world needs to see the accomplishments of the past 6 weeks.  And it all started with Hayden wanting to Light Up Niagara Falls for my visit there.  Thank you Hayden for putting that spark in my brain!!

It’s bedtime.  Interviews start at 7 a.m. tomorrow.  I have to say that although I am sad, this is all bittersweet.   The city of Winnipeg with approval from the mayor, will Light Up Purple tomorrow night, as will Lethbridge, Alberta.  So great to see all the support.  Tara and Kenzie (who you would have loved if you had met them) are doing a rally + vigil tonight in Airdrie.  They are your supporters till the next eternity.

There is so much to write.  And today will be another busy day but one to remember vividly in the cascades of purple.

Will write more to catch up later.  xoxo

Love you Princess Snowflake

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About Carol Todd

Being the mother of Amanda Todd has lead me on this journey shortly after Amanda's death on October 10, 2012. Amanda's prolific You Tube video has been viewed over 33 million times. Through this video, there has been an increased awareness about cyberbullying, social media safety and mental health. www.amandatoddlegacy.org
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14 Responses to October 10th – one year since 10/10/2012

  1. Savetheworld says:

    Incredible day! ❤ I will never forget it!

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  2. Tandi says:

    Carol, Incredible post and incredible year. You are one strong woman who is changing the lives of many with Amanda’s message. I have been following all the posts on the Light up Event and am in awe of the beauty of others thoughts. Today in group I shared Amanda’s video and discussed the effects of bullying with my adolescent clients. I was shocked (though I shouldn’t have been) at how little they understood how words affect people. I learn something new from every group of teens I meet with. In one of those groups today I met a young man who seemed absolutely heartbroken and enraged that anyone could be so cruel. While I was forced to keep my composure in each group I did, this young man expressed everything I had been feeling throughout the day and just with his facial expression. For many of the teens, they need concrete evidence of how things work and I feel that Amanda’s story opened up a door for them to be part of a change. I watch her video often and am moved to tears every time. Not always out of sadness, sometimes out of anger and feeling the pain she experienced. I will continue to share her story and hopefully open the eyes of others. God bless you and your family.

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  3. Hamsi says:

    Such sincere thoughts and reflections expressed here……there is not a whole lot for me to add. Last year around this time I came to know about a beautiful soul who left us too early. The impact she made and continues to make is awe inspiring. My thoughts and prayers are with the entire Todd family today.

    Like

  4. Sheri Kasper says:

    Fusion Athletics Cheerleading in Chilliwack will be remembering Amanda tonight by wearing purple!! Our thoughts and prayers go to you and your family.

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  5. Heather Brugger says:

    MANY POSITIVE THOUGHTS AS YOU CARRY THE TORCH OF YOUR DAUGHTER FORWARD…..MENTAL HEALTH NEEDS MORE STRONG WOMAN LIKE YOU…HUGS TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY….

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  6. merle48 says:

    Dear Carol, Forgive me for posting here on the one year date of your beautiful daughter’s passing, but this is my most comfortable place for almost 10 months since you started this momentous blog in honor of Amanda. I have been reading many other heartfelt dedications to you, your family, and Amanda, and it almost stops me from writing this because they are so uniquely beautiful… so what else could I possibly say that hasn’t been said?
    What does one like me say to you Carol, on the 1ST anniversary of the loss of your beautiful child? How can I express to you in words what I’d rather do in person, the long lasting hug, my eyes locking with yours, immediate tears, that “look” where two people just connect in a way that needs no words, as if they’ve transfused their very essence to each other. Since December 2012 when I read a beautiful sincere tribute to Amanda from “Sarcasticus Rex” who had his own blog, and I read your comment back to him, was I given the opportunity to find out about your own blog. With much hesitation about posting on it, I managed to say a few kind words which in turn, blossomed into A LOT of words day after day. Because of the inexplicable impact your daughter had on me ever since I learned about her, I was able to express myself like never before because my feelings were so intense. I have most likely said more than enough in many different ways, always trying my utmost not to upset you. What I feel to this day has not wavered, as I believe in your unusual strength in do all you do, and it truly is your therapy to help you heal. No two people are the same in every way…someone else would do things differently to ease their heartache, but you are unique as someone who took something so negative, and turned it into a positive outcome…the very things we were born for…to help and love our fellow brothers and sisters. Yet NONE knows your innermost emotions , for they are most assuredly YOUR OWN. You are correct to say that the awareness for change will be an ongoing and slow process…but it has begun, the imprint is stamped and cannot be removed.
    For me personally, there is still a heavy sadness as to why so much cruelty exists, especially on the internet. This is still something to be reckoned with, as true cowards hide behind their cruel words, yet all I have is pity for them because they cannot rise above the deep, dark holes they dug for themselves. I try very hard to understand another person’s motives as I am beginning to believe some people have none, yet it’s their way of ridding themselves of their own hurt by putting it on others. Here is a little note I sent you a few months ago that sums up my feelings about you in a neat little paragraph…meant with all my heart.
    “I just want to let you know what you have done not just for so many others, but me…just one person. I have been dealing with my own family problems for a long time, but now I am able to sort things out with a new perspective. I handle everything (almost) with the utmost care in how it’s approached and what I say/don’t say. (although I messed up a few times as you know). Some of the happenings in my household are now getting a new approach because of your family tragedy, because of your ideas, because of your braveness, because of how you” turn the other cheek,” because of the information you freely share, because of your kindness towards others…yes all these things have changed my perspective on handling my own family demons…I simply want to thank for that.” What more can I say Carol? For many months I said quite a bit, and for many of us, as you, we’ve been able to heal and grow through words…just words…(so powerful aren’t they?) I hope this sharing has helped you this past year somehow. So on this solemn day for you, stay close to your loved ones and know that there are so many people who do appreciate what you were destined to do, and try to understand how difficult it must be at times for you, but as I’ve said, Amanda is right beside you in all you do…just think…could you really do it all if she wasn’t? For many of us who care so much, this all remains “a beautiful mystery.”

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    • jimmyhalley4 says:

      To Amanda,one year on and your voice is as loud as ever,the difference your video made to the lives of my daughters was and is phenomenal,I personally know two parents who’s children came to them after seeing your video to tell them they were going through almost exactly the same issues you were,you gave them strength to tell ppl what was going on and got them out the hands of the online bullies and predators,you saved two lives with your video and im sure many more around the world. To carol,i don’t think I can think of anyone else who has done so much for mental health and bullying then you have,as mentioned in another post,there’s not much I can say that hasn’t already been said about the wonderful work you have done in this past year since your tragic loss but I just want you to know we are making our little corner of the UK a bit more purple for you and Amanda.
      R.i.p princess snowflake.

      Forever missed……never forgotten…..

      Like

  7. Renée B. says:

    People who say that you and Amanda are attention seekers are simply insensitive to a high degree, and I suspect, envious… I think that Amanda’s video was a message to everyone, an explanation, a testimony. My thoughts are with you and Amanda every day.

    Like

    • merle48 says:

      To Renee, In a sense, they are attention seekers…seeking attention for these horrible actions of some others, and seeking attention for a change in these behaviors that drive others to do the “unthinkable.” Can someone explain to me what is wrong with that???

      Like

  8. la Punisher says:

    Amanda will always will be the prettiest colour in the rainbow (pink an purple) which I reserved for her.
    Carol…Today My heart goes out to you and your family
    My thoughts and prayers are with you all… Peace being sent your way

    Big Hugz 2 all of you

    Like

  9. Siobhan says:

    You spoke so well on global! You have helped bring such awareness to bullying, mental health, and social media. You have made real changes. You should be proud. I know your daughter is. We all say “I should do this” or “I should do that” but never focus enough energies into it to actually see change. I am amazed with how much more aware people are because of Amanda and you. You two are still a team. I know today will be a busy day for you. But i also hope you find time for peace, for silence, for just you and Amanda. My thoughts and heart are with you and your family today Carol.

    Like

  10. H.I.D. says:

    A song for you Amanda.
    Beautiful Precious Innocent Child.

    Like

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