To my snowflake princess —- Happy Birthday Amanda!!!

Dear Amanda,

Happy birthday baby girl!!!   No words can describe how I feel as I sit here and write these words to you on your 17th birthday or what would have been your 17th birthday.  You would have by now been learning to drive, have been one year closer to the graduation you always dreamed of.  Remember how you would look at dresses all the time and talk about which ones you would get for ‘prom’.  You have missed many landmarks in life that you were looking so forward to.

I continue to ask myself WHY?  I have no answers and only you hold them my lovely princess.  So sadly, I will never know.  I see all the people whose hearts and souls you have touched in the past 13 months.  Your message has reached so many people.  And it has gone far across Canada and beyond the international waters.  I have received many emails and messages from teens and parents saying how your words have saved their children.  I met a mom in person last night who told me the same thing.  You have somehow inspired hope into others.  That is the most wonderful gift possible.  You couldn’t be an organ donor but you surely have given a piece of yourself in other ways.  For that, I am proud to be your mom.

People have asked how I can talk about you as I do.  I have to say that Amanda, you have given me strength and also hope for others.  You couldn’t stand  up to what you went through with the cyberthreats and the real threats.  I saw you go from a strong young woman to one that had given up hope.  As a young child, you would always argue your points (not always logically) but then as a teen, you became silent.  You once told me when we were driving that it was pointless to talk and report anymore because no one was listening anyways.  I wish I could have foreseen your future.  We never know what it holds.  I would have held you tighter and made sure our voices were heard more.

In the past few days, I have spoken to so many moms and even dads who have lost their kids.  Many have upcoming birthdays coming up like yours is today.  And then all of us are sad knowing that Christmas is coming and our kids won’t be there to rip open Christmas presents,  eat the turkey and pull on the wishbone like you liked to do.   I sit here and smile as I remember that you would think so hard about making the right wish.  Sometimes it would take dayssss…..

Your friends miss you as much as I do.  I went to your bench today and saw snowflakes tied there… even a purple one.  Someone had put a snowflake on Bailey’s bench too and I took a picture and sent it to his mom.  Bailey’s mom told me that when she goes for a walk at the pond, she often sees people sitting on your bench.  Tonight, your snowflakes from heaven are falling peacefully in eastern Canada.   And everytime someone hears the story about the meaning of a snowflake, it becomes a personal story for them.  It is not snowing here at home but the christmas lights are on for you as are many of the neighbours.  They remembered with a reminder and I saw one family putting them up in the dark tonight.  There are many houses with purple lights shining for you.

When daylight comes, it will be one filled with many emotions and I will have a heavy heart.  You were born on November 27, 1996 at 1 pm and I will always always remember that day because you came out like a firecracker.  You fizzled at your weakest moment but then your memory turned into something that is trying to make RIGHT out of what has been WRONG!!

I can’t say enough times how I wish you were so I could hold you again, hug you again, even argue with you again.   One thing that I have learned is what the book title says ‘HOLD ONTO YOUR KIDS’. Be safe in heaven and look after everyone like you did at home.

Love you to my Amanda, my Princess Snowflake …. from your mom, dad, brother and forever friends  xoxo

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About Carol Todd

Being the mother of Amanda Todd has lead me on this journey shortly after Amanda's death on October 10, 2012. Amanda's prolific You Tube video has been viewed over 33 million times. Through this video, there has been an increased awareness about cyberbullying, social media safety and mental health. www.amandatoddlegacy.org
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17 Responses to To my snowflake princess —- Happy Birthday Amanda!!!

  1. merle48 says:

    Yay the snowflakes are back! It’s so calming, so why not?

    Like

    • Savetheworld says:

      So many snowflakes fell here on your birthday princess snowflake. I lit a candle to commemorate you. I wear your tshirt and hoody whenever I can it hangs in my doorknob and I put it on when I get home. Your mom is the most amazing incredible string inspiring person around, so you must have been just as incredible!! I wish I could have met you and spared your mom the grief of losing such a beautiful talented bright sunshiny spirit. I am so sorry about all the sad pathetic haters. You will shine bright forever! You are loved and missed! You have left a legacy and did not pass away in vain! You have changed the world as we know it and have saved and will continue to save lives! All your work and your moms have paid off! New legislation in Canada you must be so proud! I know you are close to your mom your spirit burns bright and I spires her! You will never ever be forgotten. ❤ xoxo

      Like

  2. CG says:

    Amanda’s greatest gift that she left behind to all of us, is her legacy of awareness. Amanda’s wonderful legacy will forever live on in our hearts and especially, through her mother, Carol, who should be commended for all of her hard work in keeping Amanda’s legacy, message and memory alive and well. Amanda’s legacy of awareness is an awareness that gives hope, strength for a brighter future and a strong courage to let voices be heard so that no one will ever have to feel alone or ever have to live alone with inner pain. I wish you a very Happy 17th birthday, Amanda. Heaven has truly gained another very special angel.

    Like

  3. Sandra says:

    Happy Birthday Amanda! I don’t think you are “resting” anywhere, instead I think you are out there making big changes and orchestrating this whole thing because you know what has to be done to stop the hurting and pain for others. “YOU”VE GOT THE POWER” Please give your mommy many more signs that you are with her…Lots and lots cuz she is working very hard to make things right AND cuz she loves you so much!!! Proud of you and your momma!

    Like

  4. Happy birthday Amanda! I can’t seem to understand why she suddenly took her life while everything was going better again, what did she say in her private video to her mum why she did it? Please reply because my girlfriend has similair problems at the moment so it’s important to know why suddenly??

    Like

  5. Gemma says:

    Happy birthday beautiful girl xx

    Like

  6. Jen Hill says:

    BEAUTIFUL, HEARTFELT WORDS!!!! Your Cake is Beautiful!!!! If many of us had a wish, it would be for you to be here in person with your mom , family and friends!!! All of it is just so Heartbreaking!!!!Tears!!!! You are forever loved and remembered on your birthday and every day!!!! Hugz xoxo ❤

    Like

  7. Keith Bennett says:

    Amanada Todd Happy Brithday to you angel,You will be forever missed in our hearts.I was happy i got to meet a such wonderful girl like you Amanada Todd…Your in our hearts and watching over us from heaven above… Rest In Peace up there Amanada Todd princess snowflake…

    Like

  8. Jenn Fournier says:

    Have thought about you all day Carol 💜

    Happy Heavenly Birthday Amanda 💜

    Like

  9. Jackie says:

    Happy Birthday Amanda, you’re Forever in our Hearts. Hugs to you Carol, sending Loving thoughts and fond memories to you and your family. We are even getting the cool weather all the way down here in TX ❤

    Like

  10. Lisa says:

    Oh Carol…Lots of love from our home to yours.
    I wish I was there to give you a big hug. Take care today and think of the happy memories you’ve tucked away for times like this. We’re thinking of you XOXO

    Like

  11. Hamsi says:

    Amanda is a blessed child, she is loved by so many who never knew her. Happy birthday, young one!

    Like

  12. Nancy Bragg says:

    Carol, be GOOD to yourself today & everyday!!! Hugs!!!!! Nancy

    Like

  13. merle48 says:

    The reason you can talk about Amanda, is because she belongs to you forever, she was the biggest most important part of your life along with your son for almost 16 years. How could it ever be any other way? By talking about her, and honoring her legacy as a special human being, you ARE being her Mother, which is most natural. Why would anyone expect anything less? Happy Birthday in heaven Amanda, and I KNOW you are right by your family’s side always! Believe in that Carol. God Bless the Todd family always!

    Like

  14. Renée B. says:

    Happy Birthday Amanda! I have been thinking about you every day… and specially today. It was snowing in Toronto yesterday and I thought it was you, Princess Snowflake.

    Like

  15. la Punisher says:

    (¯`v´¯)
    .`·.¸.·´ Happy Birthday Princess Snowflake
    ¸.·´… ¸.·´¨) ¸.·*¨) You Shall Never Be Forgotten ~ We ‘ ℒℴѵℯ ‘ You
    (¸.·´ (¸.·´ .·´ ¸¸.·¨¯`·♥ށ_̱_ܢϠ₡־♥ށ_̱_ܢહ” ށ_̱_ܢહϠ₡ށ_̱_ܢϠ₡♥

    Hugz 2 U and Your Family….Peace & Love Forever.

    Like

  16. Niall McDade says:

    Princess Snowflake paid us a visit in my neck of the woods today. Looks like Christmas already. No wind, just beautiful heavy wet snow weighing down the branches on the trees. Love it! Happy Birthday, Amanda! We miss you! 💜❄️

    Like

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