May 21, 2014 – Dear Carol Todd

 I haven’t checked my Twitter out for a few days and when I have, it’s been mostly about Bill C-13.  The swirl of conversation around the Bill continues to awe and amaze me.  I have been reading, digesting and ultimately thinking.  Articles and opinions continue to swirl —-> on both sides of the fence.  The highlight of the day I think is this letter that I found on my Twitter feed.  It was from a young girl who didn’t watch Amanda’s You Tube video a year and a half ago.  She was going through her own health issues.  But recently — in the past few weeks — she did watch it.  I am happy that she is stronger and moving towards becoming      healthier.  Her letter to me was very enlightening and  will make us all realize how fragile the human soul is.
I am posting the letter here because I feel it should be shared.  Much love and light …
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Dear Carol Todd,Most people have herd and seen the viral video of Amanda, I however for the first time saw it today. I refused to watch it before hand, I never understood why you would watch something sad that might make you cry. But what I didn’t realise then was I have had depression for a long time and last year was the hardest time I have had with it. I didn’t watch it, and I am glad I didn’t. But now I am getting better with my battle with depression, I am feeling all these new emotions, ones I didn’t even realise were “normal” to have. As much as I used to say why me? Why do I have depression? Mine is a chemical imbalance, it was not triggered. This made it even harder for me to accept I had it.
I have always cared about people and went out of my way to help, but now I am seeing the depression less of a horrible experience and more of a advantage. I grew up and thought it was normal to hate yourself. I have lived in that state of mind for all my life and I am just now getting to grips with “normal” emotions.
You may think what on earth has this got to do with anything, but it is needed to understand the fact I understand better then most what that state of mind is.
So now I am better I have been able to help people going through tough time’s, this is because I have already been through it and learned how to deal with it. I then for the first time decided I was well enough to watch your daughters video. I didn’t watch it before because I knew I was unstable, and would feel bad after it and turn it in on myself. I watched it and it wasn’t what I expected, I thought Amanda would be crying. This may not seem like a big deal to most but what people need to understand is that crying means you still have something left inside you. Something still feel’s and works. But she wasn’t crying. This made me feel sick, because from personal experience I know that when you go past the stage of crying and feeling sorry for yourself, that is the lowest, you have stopped fighting, and nothing anybody say’s can change that. You just switch off. It feels like there is no going back.
People made her feel like this. The most worrying thing is that people don’t understand this feeling or understand the power of it. Ok everyone is mean sometimes, but what is the difference with this? Amanda felt like she was alone. Nobody did anything for her. People don’t realise that that one person who smiled at you when you where down, or that one person who takes the time to say are you ok? are the people who could of saved her.
It’s not close friends that make the difference, it is the ones who don’t know you, the ones who have decided ‘I don’t know you at all but I will do something for you’ are the ones that make the difference. If someone just helped her up after the fight that is enough of a gesture to say ‘I care’
People don’t have to be a super hero, they just have to be kind. Don’t follow the crowd if it’s wrong. You don’t have to stop them, you just have to make your own choices in life to decide what is right.
Amanda went to the stage of complete emptiness, and I hope that somebody, anybody showed her an act of random kindness. It wouldn’t of done much, but it really would of just gave her a world of joy.
Please be strong and carry on your good cause. Sad, tragic thing’s happen but if people do as you do and make something good out of it, the world will be a better place. Please ignore the people who don’t and wont understand. The people who you are doing good for will become the next generation and the world will be a better place because of you.
thank you
L

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About Carol Todd

Being the mother of Amanda Todd has lead me on this journey shortly after Amanda's death on October 10, 2012. Amanda's prolific You Tube video has been viewed over 33 million times. Through this video, there has been an increased awareness about cyberbullying, social media safety and mental health. www.amandatoddlegacy.org
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3 Responses to May 21, 2014 – Dear Carol Todd

  1. Hamsi says:

    What a perceptive letter from this young woman! I can empathize with people who cannot watch Amanda’s video because of the pain it brings. I hope we can continue to harness the power of this video to do good in this world…..for a long time to come.

    Like

  2. la Punisher says:

    Yes.. Beautiful letter..TOTALLY

    Like

  3. merle48 says:

    This is a beautiful, sincere letter and mirrors how I felt about watching Amanda’s video also. To know that the effect on so many strangers is omnipresent to this day, for me, is overwhelming!

    “The obscure we see eventually. The completely obvious, it seems, takes longer.” ~Edward R. Murrow

    Like

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