July 10, 2014 – 21 months ‘gone too soon’

Short but sweet. Today is the 10th (again). It’s been 21 months. It sometimes feels like a throwback when you were once asked the age of your baby/toddler. Now in a different scenario, I am counting the months. Only the pride and joy isn’t there this time around.

Tonight I will light my candle and reflect on the 20 months before today. What happened? Why it happened? What has happened since? My therapist says that you can’t dwell on the past. You can’t think about the what ifs. But how do you stop them. And will we ever not think about them. I think not.

Because unfortunately … they are part of the memories that the children we lost have left behind. And mainly, for their parents and family to bear. I cannot speak for what is in the head of others but I know what is in mine.

The many hundreds of people I have met via social media and at my presentations are so numerous. The one thing in common is that they all have a passion. And that passion is to help kids. It might be solely for bullying or cyberabuse or mental health. It might be all of the above. It really doesn’t matter as the common denominator is always kids. And the definition of ‘KID’ is loose as the definition is left up to the individual. You might be 79 years old and have kids. They are still someones kids.

Where has the 21 months gone? Scroll back on the Snowflake blog. Or the Tumblr. Or the website. Or the Facebook. Google Amanda’s name. Google my name. I recently went back to do that on the internet and was amazed what I didn’t remember or what I didn’t see.

I miss my kid so deeply. I wish I could change the history as does everyone else for Amanda and every other person we have lost to the issues of society. I think I once said I like Winter months better. I don’t have to be out seeing young girls enjoying life ~ dating ~ at the river ~ planning their futures. I am so very happy for them but at the same time …..

But in Amanda’s words, we must STAY STRONG and also BE STRONG. We have way too much work ahead to make the changes that are needed for our future generations.

xoxo Miss you PSnowflake.


July 10, 2014
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About Carol Todd

Being the mother of Amanda Todd has lead me on this journey shortly after Amanda's death on October 10, 2012. Amanda's prolific You Tube video has been viewed over 33 million times. Through this video, there has been an increased awareness about cyberbullying, social media safety and mental health. www.amandatoddlegacy.org
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6 Responses to July 10, 2014 – 21 months ‘gone too soon’

  1. la Punisher says:

    Translation for Andria…I have done everything I pray for Amanda, for your soul … I miss the person who did not know, but grief in prayer for his soul. CAROL I ask God to stay well and wake up every day as well, mighty God you Carol!

    Like

  2. Andria says:

    Tenho feito de tudo,oro por Amanda ,pela sua alma …sinto falta da pessoa que não conheci ,mas luto em oração por sua alma .Peço a Deus que CAROL fique bem e acorde todos os dias bem ,forte Deus te Carol !!

    Like

  3. Hamsi says:

    By doing what you are doing, helping others, talking about serious issues that need to be addressed, you are paying tribute to Amanda’s memory every day….and we with you.

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  4. la Punisher says:

    With you on that one merle48
    ‘ This little lady will never be forgotten’ ~ Not in my world ~ RIP Sweet Angel
    Hugz 2U Carol

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    • merle48 says:

      Nor my world! I may not write everyday, but Amanda is still in my thoughts…I only wish I became aware of all this by a different reason. 😦

      Like

  5. merle48 says:

    We can’t stop our thoughts, feelings and “what if’s” no matter who advises it’s best to do. I think there would be something amiss if we were able to let it go all too easily. Of course all the things you do and have done for almost two years, keeps Amanda in the forefront of your mind, but seriously, wouldn’t she be on your mind all the time even if you weren’t out there trying to help others all this time? No matter how difficult it may be at times, you are absorbing all your pain and feelings as you deal with it, and you write about how you honestly feel, and then turn that into all the positive things you do for others. I say embrace your feelings in the same manner that you embrace others! Keep on sharing because that appears to work for you.

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