October 31, 2014 – Halloween Night

My personal writing has been sporadic but today i am needing to get out … things I am missing about Halloween!!

Amanda was the kid that loved the day. The planning of the costume. The decorating of the house inside and out. The buying of the new candy bowl each year for the Halloween candy. And then sorting out the candy and giving the ones out first that she didn’t like. Although she would have been 18 in 27 days from now – she would have still been organizing the house despite planning her social life.

I saw a post today from another mom who had lost her child also. Yes – everyday is hard. Holidays and special occasions are the worst. We put ourselves in the mind and body of another person when out in public but the insides never cease to hurt. Will it or does it get easier? Not sure if there is a right or wrong answer as everybody is different.

That is why I choose to keep busy with my fmily life, my real job and Amanda’s Legacy. The hurt is too painful when time stands still. Some will say – you need to reflect and be alone more in order to get over it. There is no getting over it. What happens is that the edges don’t become as sharp over time. But as I said – holidays and reminders!!

October – November – December —> the 3 months are wrapped together. All significant in different ways. It’s my 3 months to ride that horrible rollercoaster. Amanda always loved rollercoasters. I didn’t and I still don’t.

Tonight will be a family night. My son and his gf will hand out the candy. A nice dinner. Nice to have everyone home and safe. The rollercoaster usually takes a rest when I am surrounded by others.

Don’t feel sad for me while reading this. Be happy for the memories that you continue to generate with your kids, your family and friends. Those are the treasures in life we have to appreciate.

Missing you my spunky spirited daughter!!


About Carol Todd

Being the mother of Amanda Todd has lead me on this journey shortly after Amanda's death on October 10, 2012. Amanda's prolific You Tube video has been viewed over 33 million times. Through this video, there has been an increased awareness about cyberbullying, social media safety and mental health. www.amandatoddlegacy.org
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5 Responses to October 31, 2014 – Halloween Night

  1. At the end of the discussion, I went home realizing thhe parallels to what they
    spoke of about music compared tto what I have learned with dance.
    If you are dancing to something ore alternative then perhaps
    a Goth look will fare better. That’s where I try to work on it,
    certainly, and I try to respond instead of react.


  2. la Punisher says:

    I agree… Don’t let go of the memories, Keep them in your heart.
    Hugz 2U Carol


  3. merle48 says:

    As long as you cry for Amanda, she lives. As long as you think of Amanda she lives. As long as you yearn for Amanda, she lives. As long as you dream of your children, they live on and on. They are YOUR heart and soul. You are who you are today, because of your sorrowful journey. How can you turn back now? Your daughter has led the way for you on a journey that hasn’t concluded yet. The good you’ve done and continue to do is not just Amanda’s legacy, but yours also.
    “A life without cause is a life without effect.” ~Barbarella


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