18 roses for a special girl – happy birthday to amanda (11/27/14)

Dear Amanda,

Happy 18th birthday honey!  I have to say that although each day and year passing that you are gone it has been hard but this year seems to be harder than the others.  I have no words of explanation why other than IT JUST IS.  All the words of encouragement and birthday wishes you would have been happy to see as you always loved the months that I now dread – October, November and December.   I should have written this letter to you way sooner but I just couldn’t,  Not that today is any easier a day to write it.  With every message I see, it just makes me miss you all the more.  I now totally understand the saying ‘GONE TOO SOON’ because Amanda my princess, you definitely LEFT TOO SOON out of our lives.  People have asked ‘how will you celebrate?’ or ‘what will you do on her birthday?’  I have no answers.  Celebrating to me seems so wrong but in another person’s wise words, it can be a day of ‘celebrating’ for the reasons of what you have done in the world.  How you sparked it? How you made people sit up and notice what was going on?  I am not saying ALL people, but you have made a pretty good dent.  There are people all over the world that continue to write and message.  You have made your SNOWFLAKES start to fall all over and funny enough, when people see them, they think of you and how snowflakes are all unique, individual and fragile, just like every human being on this earth. And every snowflake put together makes a ball of snow that becomes stronger.  I wonder how many balls of snow you have made in the past 2 years?

This year will be more contributions to your legacy that will have impact.  This is your graduating year.  An event that you talked about and looked forward to since you were in grade school.  Because of the number of times you changed schools, you never got even your middle school leaving ceremony for which I am sad.  And your life was cut short for your grade 12 one.  Your legacy will make sure that kids in their grade 12 year get to do the things you never go too (e.g. – Project Enchantment).

How is it that your story has impacted us in this way?  Some may differ in opinion but it was so brave of you to make and put your video out for the world to see.  Even if your intentions was just a small world.  You took courage and strength to do that.  Unfortunately, you got knocked down with words such as ‘attention seeker’, ‘psycho’, ‘crazy person’, ‘porn star’ and more.  None of it true (in your family’s opinion or those that cared/care about you).  There are still those out there that harass for pleasure.  But I use those as examples so we can learn from them.

(I am not talking today to write about those that bullied, cyberbullied or sextorted you for obvious reasons.  This is your BIRTHDAY!!)

Do you remember when I asked you what you wanted to achieve by making the You Tube video. You said you just wanted to get your real story out there – in one place – in one way.  Then you added that you ‘wished’ that it would go viral and one of the big shows would find it.  I am sure you meant either Ellen or Oprah or Dr Phil.  Well, I guess your wish came true.  Your story actually gets to be aired on Dr Phil one day after your birthday.  For me, that is your birthday present my sweet girl.  Anyone who watches Dr Phil will see your story with photos, etc.  Your wish came true!!  (As did the wish about Demi Lovato and Toronto and New York.  I wish you had been with me in the physical world but I know you are there spiritually!) Screenshot 2014-11-24 00.40.16

For your birthday this year, there are 18 roses for you.  This year in pink, next year in purple.  Your family here will ‘celebrate’ quietly and reflect on the ways you have made impact on how people view the world.  Next year you will be 19 and there will probably be a different kind of reflection.  I hope that where ever you are today, tomorrow, and the next day, you are looking down on us and seeing all the things we are thinking and feeling.  Also, the people you have somehow helped and made stronger.

There is no way that I could even count or begin counting but … with their permissions .. I will start to share the stories because I feel they are important.  In your memory, we will #SayItWithSnowflakes every day of the year.

Happy birthday Amanda!! You will always be my angel!!

Love Mom xoxo

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About Carol Todd

Being the mother of Amanda Todd has lead me on this journey shortly after Amanda's death on October 10, 2012. Amanda's prolific You Tube video has been viewed over 33 million times. Through this video, there has been an increased awareness about cyberbullying, social media safety and mental health. www.amandatoddlegacy.org
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12 Responses to 18 roses for a special girl – happy birthday to amanda (11/27/14)

  1. ashadulla mallick says:

    2015 birth day i am happy

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  2. Hamsi says:

    Happy birthday, Amanda….your mom said it right, you were a brave woman to leave your story for all the world to see and reflect upon…..and it continues to spread wisdom and understanding.

    Like

  3. merle48 says:

    To Erin, I am so glad you are here in this world to prove there is hope. You are brave enough to tell your unfortunate story, and that takes courage also.

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  4. merle48 says:

    i just finished watching Dr. Phil. I have just realized what courage you really have to be able to face the world that is filled with not only positive, but negative people who want to scrutinize you without knowing hardly a thing about you. Your eyes still convey for me the sadness that will never leave you, and I am sorry for that, but it’s because of your love and loss of your daughter. But today, I also realized that your gentle voice is kind, and soothing for me, and probably many others to hear. You truly are a gentle soul who in a perfect world, would not have to endure the cruelty of negative people, and most definitely wouldn’t have to carry this heartache with you all the days of your life. The people that care and love you will always try to ease the secret and not so secret pain you bear. If it helps only a little, that “perfect world” is where Amanda exists in “perfect love.”

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  5. Erin says:

    Dear Carol,
    I just watched the Dr. Phil episode about your beautiful daughter and her tragic story! It really hit home for me because in 2003 as a young and impressionable teenager I made a mistake. Photos were very quickly distributed to almost everyone in my high school! I was tortured and bullied everyday! Kids can be so mean and I even had a teacher make fun of me in front of the entire class. I wanted to die so bad and I came close many times to killing myself! I felt alone and depressed just like your daughter. My heart broke all over again when I saw Amanda’s story! I am so sorry for what you have had to go through and it’s rips my heart out to realize that not only does this kind of thing still happen, but with all the internet outlets now it’s so much worse! I just wanted you to know how awesome you are for doing something about this! I’m only sorry I wasn’t brave enough to try to make a change 11 years ago! I truly believe you and Amanda are making a difference in young girls lives!
    I send you my love and prayers!
    ~Erin

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  6. AUNQUE NO SEA DE TU PAIS Y AUENQUE NO TE PUDE CONOCER , IGUAL PARA MI ERES IMPORTANTE MI PEQUEÑA ANGELITO FELIZ CUMPLEAÑOS PRINCESITA :* DEBES ESTAS GOSANDO DEL GOZO DEL SEÑOR :3 TE QUIERO PRINCESITA AMANDA .

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    • la Punisher says:

      Translation for above: EVEN IF NOT YOUR COUNTRY AND YOU COULD NOT EVEN KNOW, YOU ARE IMPORTANT TO ME LIKE MY LITTLE ANGEL HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRINCESS: * THESE SHOULD THE JOY OF THE LORD gosando: 3 I LOVE AMANDA PRINCESITA.
      Reply

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  7. Angel says:

    Happy Birthday to a beautiful and tremendously courageous young girl.
    You have brought such change to this world in ways that we couldn’t have ever been able to imagine. Your Mom is an amazing woman who will carry out your legacy forever.
    God bless you all.

    Like

  8. Vivien says:

    happy birthday to the most beautiful woman in the world. Hope you have an awesome sweet 18th birthday. Each and everyday I think of you. Of how a wonderful, bright, smart woman taken from so soon.

    Happy birthday Amanda.

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  9. merle48 says:

    Once again Happy 18th Birthday in heaven Amanda! I left another post in an earlier blog from a few days ago. God bless you Amanda and your entire family! Never forgotten.

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  10. Thank you Carol for speaking to and for not only Amanda but so many more Amanda’s in this world who have been saved because of her and because of you. You will always be Amanda’s mom and she will always have a special room in your heart. Hugs to you, family and friends on this day. Gone but never forgotten.

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  11. la Punisher says:

    I’m late but I had to work early this AM… I remembered Amanda at 5AM and that this day was her 18th Birthday… Sad that your gone, But still thinking about you… Peace to you lil angel and if it means anything ” Happy Birthday ”

    Carol…My thoughts are with you and your family.. Hugz 2U

    Like

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