For the first time in a long time, I have to say ‘I Just Can’t’.   In the past 2 years 8 1/2 months, I have stretched myself and have rarely said ‘NO’ to anything.  But right now I have to.

I have spent the last few months avoiding the Facebook pages of kids getting ready for prom and grad dances.  The shopping.  The commencement graduation ceremonies.  The college applications.  As a parent of Amanda, I miss doing those things with her.  I know what it is like because I went through the same motions with her brother.  I will miss the commencement ceremony of Rob’s son this coming week because ‘I Just Can’t’.

** I can’t because it would make me too sad. ** I can’t because it would make me miss Amanda even more. ** I just can’t because I have worked so hard in working through some of the pain and grief and I don’t want it to backwards. ** I just can’t because it will be one of the most happiest days for most and I don’t want anyone to get affected by my personal sadness. ** I just can’t because ….

I remember Amanda trying this dress on and showing me the selfie pic.  She said to me: Mom, this is the kind of dress I want for my graduation dance.  This photo was taken in September of 2012.  It’s purple too.

Miss you my lovely girl child.  xoxo


About Carol Todd

Being the mother of Amanda Todd has lead me on this journey shortly after Amanda's death on October 10, 2012. Amanda's prolific You Tube video has been viewed over 33 million times. Through this video, there has been an increased awareness about cyberbullying, social media safety and mental health.
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  1. merle48 says:

    Perfectly understandable, and I can at least relate in the sense that I could not do it either if I lost my child. I know that, without the experience. But I can empathize with you Carol, and it’s so normal and okay to feel this way. To look at the beautiful picture of Amanda in that purple dress just makes me sad all over again, especially for you and your family. Yet, and still, you must share and speak about your feelings because it helps to heal you. So please keep writing and sharing no matter how long it takes, as your love for your daughter will never end.


    • tammey says:

      Very well said merle48

      We have lost far to many
      Carol you have done so much to bring awareness for this try of behavior we are hear you please feel free to share with us so very sorry for your loss


  2. The world miss you, Amanda.
    I don’t know why, but even the feeling of not meeting you, hurts my soul.
    Aoown… little purple piece of dream!


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