September 10 – 11 months since October 10th

Part One (@ 1:50 a.m.)

Thank you everyone for all your wonderful thoughts and wishes over the past few days. It’s been another interesting weekend. I am not sure why things keep happening but it’s all for the good. I did talk to my therapist about yesterdays accident, my short emotional breakdown, and all the things going on. Finding out that BC Place will light up for October 10th made me the happiest mom alive.  I can only hope that more places join the campaign and more people help us Turn the World Purple.  If we were able to contact mental health organizations to get on board, maybe they would help us share the message.

To my Amanda – Your family and the world lost an angel. But you have shined/shone brightly for us. Your snowflakes continue to fall around us and interestingly enough, Christmas snowflakes are already out in the stores. Last Christmas, you were missed. This winter, the snowflakes that people see will take on a new meaning.  We know that you and all the other kids that have been taken too soon are all watching us from above.  I am sure you have those times when you are sad when you see us crying.  You probably laugh your butts off when you see us do really dumb adult things.  But I hope that we can all say that we all miss each other terribly.  If clocks could be turned back ….

God or someone has given us all new missions in life.  We are all still sorting it out down here but through the processes of the internet, everyone is piecing it all together like a jigsaw with a trillion pieces.

Amanda – I know that both your dogs are missing you.  They sit outside your room sometimes.  They sit on my bed and just stare at things.  It is really kind of weird.  Just want you to know that Mandy and Charley are growling less at each other now.  We are still hoping that they can be friends.  Charley reminds me of you …. full of energy, spunk and spirit.  And also, he doesn’t always come home from outside when he is called either.

I cannot believe that it has been 11 months.  I dread the next month coming up.  I think it will be the hardest one.  People say that the firsts of everything are always hard.  Someone told me last year that the seconds are also not that easy.  I think you go through the firsts in a blur of grief.  Then the seconds occur when more clarity and realization about what has actually taken place and what is missing.

Doctors and professionals say that it will get better.  Just do this.  But …. I don’t think anyone truly knows unless they are living it.  Ask the parents/relatives/friends of  Amanda, Grace, Rehtaeh, Jamie, Audrie, Miguel, Jenna, Tori, Amanda B, Willie,  and more ….  It’s what we wake up to and what we don’t dream about.

To all the snowflakes in heaven, we love you …. we will light candles for you on the 10th.  And on October 10th, we are hoping that the world and all people will Light Up Purple and also Wear Purple.

xoxo